"I just feel like I don't have the missing key. It's like everyone knows something that I don't." I hear this from female entrepreneurs all the time and I'd love to give you a wildly exciting answer that would be the key to success in your business.
But I've built 2 companies, and I fear the things that made the biggest difference in my business are also the most boring. So today I'm talking about the 5 skills behind my entrepreneurial mindset, the inner work I had to do, subconscious beliefs I had to build, and teach you about four stages of learning.
Topics covered on Entrepreneurial Mindset:
What actually shapes an entrepreneurial mindset?
How do you keep going, and do the work when there's no evidence yet that it's working?
How do you build bounce back ability after a flopped launch, a rejection or a difficult client?
What are the four stages of learning, and why do so many entrepreneurs give up at stage 3?
Connect with Rebecca Haydon:
Resources mentioned in this episode:
Quote:
“But if you only ever do things that allow you to feel competent, eventually your own competence, your own brilliance, becomes the thing that's limiting you” - Rebecca Haydon
Transcription:
Our AI tried its best, but expect a few quirky typos in the transcript. Embrace the imperfections and enjoy the read!
Why the Most Boring Things Made the Biggest Difference
[00:00:00] I fear that some of the things that have made the biggest difference for me in my business, in my life, and in the way that my life looks now, which is just so incredible, are also the most boring. Buckle on in, it's gonna be a boring podcast. I joke, it's never boring with me. You know that. However, it is quite annoying when you hear me say that, because I know, and still see to this day when I'm sitting on webinars or doing my own research, that so many people are messaging in with this, "Oh, I just feel like I don't have the missing key, the missing secret.
[00:00:43] Everyone knows something that I don't." And I know you would like there to be some wildly exciting secret that I haven't told you yet on the podcast, or that you haven't discovered yet. However, I think it's actually more simple than that. When I was planning this podcast episode, these five, for me, are very simple.
[00:01:04] However, it really is how you use them in the moment. Now, I've been in business since 2019. I say 2019 because that is when I launched my Facebook page. Remember when that felt really legit, when you did a... Was it even a business Facebook page? My business right at the beginning was actually called You Mindset Coaching.
[00:01:32] Oh, how fluffy. Oh, if I only knew what I knew back then. But anyway, bless Becky back in those days. I launched the business in 2019, I went full-time in the business from the back end of 2020, and I have been full-time in the business ever since. I have built two companies. I've recorded over 300 podcast episodes.
[00:01:55] I know there's way more. I think I actually need to get my podcast manager, Nikola, to count how many podcast episodes we've done, because it's definitely been more than 300. Madness. I've had things go better than I could have ever imagined. I've had plenty of things go completely tits up in my business.
Five Skills That Shaped My Entrepreneurial Mindset
[00:02:14] But when I look across all of that, I really think there are five things that have contributed more to where I am now than any single shiny, missing-piece strategy that I could give you, right? And those five things have required a lot of inner work. They have required a lot of subconscious work, because I think so much more of your entrepreneurial mindset, the entrepreneur's mindset, as you call it (I know I don't massively like using that word, but looking at it from that perspective), is really shaped by the subconscious beliefs that you're bringing into the business with you.
[00:02:57] So when we're looking at trying to work out how to keep going and how to stay motivated when the evidence isn't there yet, and how to develop what I call bounce back ability, which I'll get into in depth in today's podcast episode, you need those things, inevitably, when things go a bit tits up, as I like to say.
[00:03:23] Not the nicest of phrases, but I do use it. So today I wanted to dig into five of these successful entrepreneur skills, entrepreneurial skills, that I think have genuinely helped me build a successful business. And we're obviously going to go underneath each one of them as well.
Number One: Keeping Going Before There Is Evidence
[00:03:46] So let's get into it. Starting with number one, and quite frankly, number one probably being the one that is given to me the most, time and time again, when I'm in a one-to-one with a client, and I'll explain why. It's also probably one of the hardest ones to flex, the hardest muscle to flex, and that is being able to keep going before there is evidence, right?
[00:04:13] I know that in every business journey there is this weird period when you're creating something new or doing something new, where you have made the decision, and in your life and in your bubble you are doing the work, but the outside world hasn't quite caught up yet. And because we're so caught up in our own world, our own thoughts and our own bubble, it feels like, "Oh my God, I've been doing this forever.
[00:04:40] What the... Why is no one listening?" right? But I really think we don't flex the ability to hold our ground without wavering in those moments. I think this is where a lot of people change direction too quickly. You decide you're gonna change your content, and you start showing up differently, or you launch something, or you start pitching yourself to different podcasts, or you decide you're gonna grow a podcast, or whatever that is.
[00:05:17] And the moment that you do that, within three seconds of you doing that, your brain is scanning and looking for evidence: "Is that the right decision?" It's looking at the views. It's looking at your Stripe account. It's looking at your emails. It's looking at the opportunities, and you're literally like, "Hello?
[00:05:37] I've been doing this for three days now. What the hell?" The evidence isn't there yet, so your brain becomes very wonderful, and it has a wonderful, wonderful time filling in the blanks. Maybe this isn't working. Maybe I should just go back to what I was doing. Maybe I was wrong.
[00:06:00] Maybe I need a different strategy. Maybe people don't want this.
How Your Brain Filters the Evidence
And I think this is where understanding how we process information becomes really, really useful, because your brain has a filter, right? One of the things that we talk about in NLP, neuro-linguistic programming, is deletion, distortion and generalisation.
[00:06:22] As humans, we are constantly filtering so much information through our own map of the world. So if you're already in this space of wondering whether something is working, and really honing in on that, guess what your brain becomes really, really, really focused on? Evidence about whether it's working.
[00:06:45] So if you've posted that one reel that's slightly different and it's got 700 views: oh, okay, there I am, that's my evidence. Or someone doesn't reply to the email, or you don't make the sale. Suddenly you've got this case file going for it not working, right? But you've got to remember that you are not seeing everything, because you are noticing particular pieces of information and filtering them through what you already believe and the meaning that you're attaching to them, right?
Learning to Hold Yourself in the Gap
[00:07:20] So I think one of the most useful things that you can learn as an entrepreneur is how to exist in that gap, how to hold yourself in that gap: the gap between doing something and having enough evidence to know what it is capable of, or what you are capable of. There might be a few gardeners out there, but just using the analogy of planting something in a garden: if you put that seed in, whatever seed you fancy, on Monday, and then Wednesday comes around and there's absolutely fuck all happening, naturally you dig it up, you have a look and you go, "Oh, I wonder whether it's the seed.
[00:08:05] Let me just get it back out of the ground and have a quick look, or I'll put it back and tap the little dirt." Friday comes, still absolutely nothing. Right, we dig it up again. "Oh, maybe it needs some sunlight. Maybe I'll move it here." And then someone on Instagram says that they've had enormous success with tomatoes, so, oh, we'll throw that original seed out.
[00:08:25] We're now growing tomatoes. Christ. At some point you have to leave the bloody seed in the ground. You have to. Now, obviously, as always, a preface on the podcast: I'm not saying you then blindly continue doing something that clearly isn't working. I know feedback matters and data matters, and changing your mind can be an incredibly intelligent choice in your business.
[00:08:54] But I do think there is a massive difference between responding to useful feedback and needing consistent reassurance that you've made the right decision. So I've had to get so much better at asking myself, "Do I actually have enough information to make a decision about this yet? Or am I actually just really uncomfortably sitting in the fact that I don't have proof,
[00:09:24] and I'm making it mean something?" Where am I taking this story about myself, rather than actually looking at the data and becoming the observer of it? Maybe think about that for yourself. If you're looking at things that are, quote-unquote, "not working in your business", what are you calling not working that hasn't actually had enough time to give you meaningful evidence yet?
[00:09:51] And if you just held yourself in that space and you already trusted, which is the biggest thing that it comes down to here, that trust within yourself and trust within the direction that you're going, what could we start to change, or change up, in what we're noticing? It's really being able to tolerate not knowing yet.
[00:10:14] That is the power within that.
Number Two: Bounce Back Ability After Business Setbacks
Which leads me very nicely into number two, which is the old bounce back ability. I have been saying bounce back ability for years. It actually came from a football programme that my dad and my brother used to watch. I think it was Soccer AM, for those who live in the UK.
[00:10:32] I don't think it was international. But they would call it bounce back ability. And I don't think it was even "ability", I think it was just "bounce back" or something like that. Anyway, beside the point, that's boring. But I think it is so huge. It is so, so huge to have bounce back ability. When I work with my one-to-one clients, my focus for them is to be able to bounce back from disappointment, or from overwhelm, or from rejection, or from a client that has caused a bit of a ruckus, or from a launch not going so well, as quick as motherfucking possible.
[00:11:14] That, for me, is really the power in how your subconscious, your state and your energy affect what happens next. And yes, I let them feel the feelings, and yes, I let them experience it and be disappointed and really care if something hasn't worked, and feel the sadness and feel the disappointment.
[00:11:39] Feel all of it. But how quickly can you experience something without allowing that one event, that one situation, that one scenario to rewrite your entire week, your entire month, your entire quarter, your entire year, right? I've had many things go wrong in business. I've had decisions that I probably wouldn't make again.
[00:12:02] I've had things that have flopped. I've been told no. I've had moments where I've thought, "Oh my God. Oh my God." But one thing that I really, really pride myself on, and I really think this is what keeps momentum going in my business more than anything, is my bounce back ability. It's having the tools and the skills to, one, feel the feelings, understand why you're feeling those things, and maybe know where it's coming from from a subconscious perspective.
[00:12:40] Two, to be able to become the observer and really see why it is that you're feeling those things and how we can process and move forwards. And then getting back going. Getting back going. Like I said, I allow my clients to feel the feelings. I allow them to process. I allow them to be angry.
[00:13:01] I allow them to be sad. I allow them to have the full range of emotions. We are human. We are human, and we have human emotions, and I want that for my clients. But it's how quickly do we get back up, and what do we take from that experience or meaning and do with it? What do we do with that in order to move forwards?
Turning Business Setbacks Back Into Information
[00:13:22] So if a launch didn't perform the way that they wanted it to, rather than making it this whole blanket of, "No launch I'll ever do again will ever work," it's, "Hmm. No. Okay. That launch didn't work. What can I learn from it? What can I take from it?" Again, looking at the data, becoming the observer, and catching what you're doing with an experience before you turn it into a conclusion about yourself, or about your future, or, to be honest, about your business and how it could be, which is what I see so much.
[00:13:59] I see that so, so much. It's how quickly can you turn an experience back into information, and stop making it mean absolutely freaking everything about you? That's really what bounce back ability is for me. And like I said, I think that one, out of the whole five, is the key.
[00:14:21] If you want a key, I'll give you that one as a key, because that's what creates momentum. That's what keeps momentum in your business, rather than this roller coaster of emotions and everything affecting you in every single way. That really is a skill that I think is one of the most special skills you can hone as a human, to be honest, but definitely as an entrepreneur, because so much is thrown at us as entrepreneurs, right?
[00:14:48] So that one is really, really important for me.
Number Three: Doing Something Long Enough to Get Really Good at It
Number three is doing something long enough to become really, really good at it, right? Really, really good at it. And actually, I'm gonna talk about the podcast manager again. Hello, Nikola. I know you're currently listening to or editing this right now. We were having a conversation in Slack the other day about the podcast, and Nikola said that a lot of people see the success that we've had with the podcast and say that they want that success, rightly so, but we've worked on that success for years and years and years.
[00:15:28] And Nikola has been my podcast manager for years and years and years. Literal years. Over 300 episodes, and the podcast is week in, week out ranking internationally, and people are finding me through the podcast, without finding me on social media first, every single week.
[00:15:49] People become my clients, and they come into my world because they've binged it. People message me about episodes I recorded years and years ago. And throughout all that time, I can't pinpoint a moment where I suddenly became good at podcasting, or where we got the formula right.
[00:16:09] I have done it hundreds of times. And I think in business, and I think this does come down to cultural conditioning and the world that we live in now, how everything is so quick and we just want it now, I really think that we underestimate the role of repetition. And I think we underestimate the role of repetition when we're admiring someone else and what they're doing.
[00:16:37] Because you see the result of my 300th repetition, versus you not even starting a podcast, or your 10th podcast episode. So of course it looks easy for me. It is easy for me now, and I've built a strategy in order for me to do that. And when I say strategy, I'm talking about the NLP meaning of strategy, so a subconscious strategy behind that.
[00:17:08] But really having a way where I've practised and practised and practised and practised, and we've refined and tweaked and practised again, and looked at feedback and looked at numbers and looked at data and practised again, and really allowed myself to be in that repetition.
[00:17:31] To be in those reps. And I think, because we have that much information, that many strategies and that many ways of doing things, you're so quick to move on to the next thing without giving yourself the chance to be in the repetition. But for me, the depth and the power that I have from the podcast, I would only have got through repetition.
[00:17:58] So it's allowing yourself to be in that long enough to become really good at it, to become really known for it. And that is patience. That's showing up. That's backing yourself at any given moment and staying in those sticky periods, going back to what I was speaking about before: being able to hold yourself in the void, being able to hold yourself in that.
[00:18:24] So that, for me, is really, really important. Okay, the last two.
Number Four: Being Willing to Be a Beginner Again
Number four. I actually wanted to bring this in because it's very recent for me, very current for me right now, and that is being willing to be a beginner again. I think the industry, social media more than anything, is changing so much, so quickly, so often.
[00:18:49] We can go with that change, and we can change things up all the time, but I think that, again, really works against the last point that I was talking about. But there's this stage in business where there are things that I'm really, really, really, really fucking good at: coaching, teaching, podcasting.
[00:19:12] I understand subconscious work at a very deep level. I've built businesses. There are environments where I feel really, really competent. And now I know that for my next level, what the next level of my business looks like, I have to deliberately move into places, into things, doing things where I don't have the same level of competence that I have in my current little pool.
[00:19:45] It's fine for me to stay in my current little pool, and it's enjoyable. I know that I'm good at it. I'm kind of a big fish, small pond. But I wanna be a small fish, big pond. In order for me to keep growing, I have to keep putting myself in places where I feel like a beginner again, which is, one, the most uncomfortable for me, and two, probably the most stretchy thing, because you know that you're going through that process of moving into that next level.
[00:20:22] So at the moment, I am moving deliberately through some different levels of competence. I'm doing different types of content. I'm doing more videos, and videos in a different way. I am bringing back the vlog, which, again, I love, so that's very competent for me. But we're doing PR. We've got media.
[00:20:43] I'm growing the Subconscious Institute in a way that I haven't done before. I'm really putting myself in different rooms outside the Instagram bubble, and sometimes that feels really fucking humbling. It feels really humbling to be the beginner again. I always like to be the best, I always like to know exactly what I'm doing, and I always like to be in control, all of those things that a lot of high achievers like to be.
The Four Stages of Learning
[00:21:10] But when we take ourselves into being the beginner again, all I have to know, and this is one thing that, one, really helps my clients and, two, has really helped me, is the four stages of learning. This is a model I teach across the board. I teach it in NLP, but I also teach it to my clients as well, because I just think it's important for you to know.
[00:21:32] I feel like I have spoken about this on the podcast before, but very, very, very many years ago. Now, we have four stages of learning. So if you think about taking on a new habit or doing a new thing, you will go through four stages before we get to what we call subconscious competence. The first stage of the four stages of learning is unconscious incompetence, which basically means you don't know what you don't know.
[00:21:57] You know how we say ignorance is bliss? Yes, we're having a lovely time. We just don't know what we don't know. In the next stage, you move into what we call conscious incompetence. That can sometimes be a really annoying feeling, because you know what you don't know. I think that is the first step, for me, in feeling so horrendous, because if you're used to being good at things, you can suddenly see the gap.
[00:22:28] You're like, "Oh my gosh, I know what I don't know, and I don't know it yet. Please, someone just teach me within seconds," right? Then we move into the third stage, which is conscious competence. That means you've learnt how to do the thing, you are doing the thing, but you're still consciously thinking about doing it.
[00:22:48] This is when things start to feel very clunky. It's taking a lot of cognitive energy. You're usually very tired at this point because you're having to really think about doing the things. It feels really unnatural to you, but you are doing it. And a lot of people tend to slip at this stage. They tend to give up at this stage.
[00:23:09] Not us. Not us here on the podcast, right? Because eventually, when you've consciously, competently done something for long enough, you move into the fourth stage, which is unconscious or subconscious competence. That means you've practised enough that huge parts of it can become automatic. For example, I am very subconsciously competent with my Instagram stories and selling on there, because I have just done it for so many years.
[00:23:38] I'm very subconsciously competent with the content that I've been creating. However, recently I have switched that all up, and now I am very much in conscious competence. But I know that if I can just stay in that third stage of learning, where I can do the thing but I'm still having to consciously think about it, for long enough, it will then become very easy for me as well.
[00:24:02] And I think in business, allowing yourself, one, to be the beginner, and two, to be in that conscious competence long enough for it to move into the ease of subconscious competence, that is the powerhouse behind changing things in your business.
The Identity Piece of Being Visibly New
And I think there's a little bit of an identity piece here as well, because if you've got this internal representation that you're good at what you're doing, you're experienced, and "people come to me because I know what I'm doing", then I really think that being visibly new to something can rub right up against that identity piece.
[00:24:42] You can consciously see that, but you can subconsciously keep yourself in those environments and spaces where your existing identity gets to be okay. It feels good to be good there. Of course it does, right? But if you only ever do things that allow you to feel competent, eventually your own competence, your own brilliance, becomes the thing that's limiting you. And that's something I'm thinking a lot about at the moment.
[00:25:15] Where am I willing to look like and feel like a beginner again? Because I care more about where I could take this and the impact that I could have than protecting the identity of being good at everything, et cetera. So yeah, have a look. Is there anything that you're avoiding, in the way of doing something new or doing something different, because you're very attached to, "It feels nice and cosy, it feels nice and warm, and I'm good at it"?
[00:25:43] Because there might be an entire next chapter sitting on the other side of being willing to be a bit shit for a while, and I guarantee it will only be for a little while as well.
Number Five: Continuous Inner Work on the Human Behind the Business
Okay, the last thing, and this wraps up everything that I've said, is continuously working on the human behind the business.
[00:26:07] Continuously. I think in business, your hand is almost forced to do growth work, right? I think you cannot grow... You cannot not grow if you have a business. Does that make sense? I've just Cartesian coordinates myself. No. Most of you won't know what that even means. I'm so sorry.
[00:26:30] But yeah, I think that made sense. I have been doing subconscious work for a really, really, really long time now, and I teach it, and I train practitioners in it, and I still work on my own subconscious all of the time. I actually moved through a huge belief that came up this morning. Maybe I'll share that with you.
[00:26:53] I'm in my era of sharing more. Not in this podcast, because it's not the theme, but I will. I will, I promise. And if I don't, come and find me. But I don't ever think that working on yourself is going to stop. I am not ever going to reach some mythical final form of Rebecca Haydon where nothing ever comes up and I never doubt anything.
[00:27:21] I float gorgeously through entrepreneurship. I am sorry, but we are living a human life, and we are going to have human experiences, and this is where the bounce back comes back in, right? Life changes, and business changes, and what I want changes, and probably in the next couple of years I'm gonna have my second child.
[00:27:47] There are so many different things that will change: the level of visibility I want, the responsibility, lots of things change all the time. It is the only part of humanity that we know: change, right? So of course different things are gonna come up.
[00:28:06] Of course. And there are parts of myself that I hadn't needed to meet yet, because I haven't been in situations that activate them.
Your Business Runs Through You
And I think this is where knowing and doing the work with the human behind the business is so, so important. Your business is you. I know we try and create separation, but it's not happening separately from you.
[00:28:33] You are experiencing everything happening in your business through your map of the world. And your map of the world contains your beliefs, your values, your memories, your experiences and your identities. We know this. We know this. I speak about this all the time on the podcast.
[00:28:55] So that is why I'm so, so passionate about not separating business growth from the person experiencing that growth. I think subconscious work is something you do because you are becoming a better version of you. I almost hate when people use subconscious work after it.
[00:29:24] After the shit's hit the fan. And I know people do do that, and that is okay. It's not that I hate that. But do you know what I mean? I don't want it to be a preventative. I want... Yes, no, I do want it to be a preventative. I want you to do the work before you feel that you have to fix yourself, or that you have to do this to become successful.
[00:29:44] I just want it to be part of you. I want subconscious work to be part of your business. It's the operating system underneath everything in your business. It is. And you can add a team, and visibility, and another company, and different offers, but all of those things are still being run through you.
[00:30:11] Through you. And I think this is a massive part of how I look at my business now. It really is. I reverse engineer, and I look at the strategy and where I'm going, but I also spend a really big amount of time looking at the person doing it: what I believe, what I can tolerate now, how I'm holding it, and what needs updating for that to happen.
[00:30:38] You know? You are present in every single thing you execute in your business. You're present in all of it. So I think the more you understand you, the human running the business, the better equipped you are to lead where you are going.
Pick One Skill to Build Your Entrepreneurial Mindset
Okay? So yes, like I said, I think those are probably the least sexy things I could tell you.
[00:31:03] I really do. But they have contributed so much to my success. So much to my success. And hopefully, instead of leaving this episode thinking you have five more things that you need to get good at, I just want you to notice, as I was speaking, which one made you go, "Ah, yeah, that's where I really want to hone in at the moment." Start there. Just start there.
[00:31:38] We are always developing. There will always be new things to learn, and there will always be new evidence that we need, and learning stages, and things I'll discover about myself. I really think that's half of the fun of business. So let's enjoy the journey, because we get there, and then we're on to the fucking next thing anyway.
[00:32:01] So take what you want from this podcast episode. Start to hone in on those things. Just pick one and get really good at it, and I will see you in the next episode.
More about The Subconscious Expert:
Welcome to The Subconscious Expert, the podcast where your subconscious becomes your one-way ticket to the mind-blowing results you desire in your life and business! I’m your host, Rebecca Haydon, The Subconscious Expert who went from being stuck in victim mode to a multi 6 figure business owner. Each week, I will be giving you the subconscious tools and techniques so you can become the woman who is living out her vision with a life and business that she is truly OBSESSED with. I have said it before, and I will say it 100 times again: "Your business can't outgrow your mindset, and if you want to grow your business, it always starts with growing your subconscious." So let's dive into the subconscious breakthrough you so deeply deserve!