The 3 Women I'm Modelling Right Now and How It's Changing My Business (NLP Modelling Technique) [ep. #301]
There are 3 women I am actively modelling in my business right now. If you're a loyal listener, you've heard me talk about the NLP modelling technique. If you're new here, you'll learn all about it today.
I'm sharing who these successful women are, what I'm paying attention to with each of them, and the NLP modelling process underneath it all. Because admiration can become a comparison really fast, but with the NLP modelling technique, you turn that admiration into something so much more powerful.
So if you want to know how learning from successful women has shaped the way I build a personal brand and coaching business that actually feels like me, this one is for you.
Topics covered on NLP Modelling Technique:
What is the NLP modelling technique?
How do you admire someone's success without comparing yourself to them?
Who are the 3 successful women I'm learning from right now?
What does the NLP modelling process look like?
How can you use modelling to build a personal brand and business that stays true to who you are?
Connect with Rebecca Haydon:
Resources mentioned in this episode:
Jade Holland Cooper — Founder & Creative Director of Holland Cooper
Farron Clark — Content Creator & Brand/Social Media Strategist
Hannah Waddingham — Actress, known for Ted Lasso, Game of Thrones, Sex Education
Grace Beverley — Founder of Tala
Aimee Smale — Founder of Odd Muse
Quote:
"If someone else can do something, I can learn to do it too, or I can discover how." — Rebecca Haydon
Transcription:
Our AI tried its best, but expect a few quirky typos in the transcript. Embrace the imperfections and enjoy the read!
[00:00:00] There are three women I am modelling in my business, and in myself, right now, for three quite different reasons. In today's podcast episode, I want to take you behind the scenes of my NLP modelling process: what modelling is and, like I said, the three women that I am currently modelling.
[00:00:24] Modelling has been a massive part of my business. It has been a massive part of my business success, and I really do think that we can lean on, learn from, watch and observe the people who are standing where we want to be, who are doing what we want to do, who have what we want to have, and really start to ask ourselves how.
[00:00:47] Let me see, let me explore, let me look at how you've got to where you've got, and what sort of things I can lean on, take and experience that suit me. Again, I'm not becoming a carbon copy of any of these three women. I'm taking what suits me and what actually gets me to where I want to be.
What Is the NLP Modelling Technique?
[00:01:10] Now, if you have heard of the word modelling, it is very different from just copying someone, right? I'm not looking at these three women (one of them is not even in the business industry) and looking at their content and being like, "Right, now I need to make content exactly like theirs," or looking at their branding and being like, "Okay, my branding has to look exactly the same, exactly the same colours and fonts and everything."
[00:01:38] That's not what this is about. One of the philosophies behind the NLP modelling technique (neuro-linguistic programming, which is where I teach this, in my NLP Masters) is basically: if someone else can do something, I can learn to do it too, or I can discover how. Right? Fucking hell, how powerful is that?
[00:02:01] How open and magical is that? Because if I see someone who is exceptional at something, I can admire that, but I can also say, "How are you doing that?" And more importantly, what are you doing? What are you doing, right? A lot of the time, the behaviour we can see, especially online, is only part of it.
[00:02:31] I'm really interested in the whole structure underneath that behaviour. So what does that person believe? What's really important to them? What are they paying attention to? How do they make decisions? How are they holding themselves? What are they doing consistently? What are they doing so automatically that they're not really conscious they're doing it?
[00:02:58] All of that gives us so much information. And you have been modelling from a very, very, very young age anyway. I'm going to get into modelling and how I teach it within this podcast episode, but you will be modelling already. I have clients say to me, "I just think, what would Becky ask me?
[00:03:21] What would Becky say? What would Becky do?" And we model our higher self, we model our future self. What would I be doing right now if I was her? There are a lot of times when you're probably doing this very intuitively. Today I'm going to give you as much of the NLP modelling technique as I can on a podcast episode, without you doing an NLP Masters.
The Fine Line Between Modelling and Copying
[00:03:41] So yeah, I'm going to give you the process. Now, there is a very fine line between modelling and just fucking copying what someone's doing, and I see it in business everywhere, right? Someone is building a personal brand or a business that's incredible, and you go, "Right, she's posting three times a day, so I will post three times a day.
[00:04:02] Ah, she has a podcast, so I will have a podcast. She emails every Tuesday, so I will email every Tuesday. Oh, she does talking head videos. I will do talking head videos." And six months later you're like, "Why isn't this doing anything for me the way it's doing it for her?" Right? All of those things you are seeing at face value might not actually be the thing producing the result.
[00:04:32] You can see them because they're external, but look underneath the external, underneath the behaviour presented in front of you. Okay, what does she understand about her audience? How does she come up with ideas? What is she willing to say that other people aren't saying?
[00:04:54] How does she believe in herself and her own expertise? How does she make decisions? How is she holding her boundaries? How is she communicating? That's where we get real depth within modelling, right?
Cognitive Modelling vs Intuitive Modelling
So within the NLP modelling process, there are two types of modelling that we can play with, and that I've played with a lot.
[00:05:21] There is cognitive modelling, and there is intuitive modelling. Now, cognitive modelling is where I'm really interested in the cogs, right? The cogs, the structure underneath what someone is doing really fucking well. So I'm looking at their beliefs. I'm looking at their values. I'm looking at their strategies, how they do things.
[00:05:44] I'm looking at their language, how they speak to themselves, how they speak to others. I'm looking at their decision-making. I'm looking at their behaviour. I'm looking at what's important to them. I'm really fucking breaking it down cognitively. I always think of the cogs of the wheel that's making it successful: what are all of the cogs involved there?
[00:06:08] That's cognitive modelling. And then there's what we call intuitive modelling, which is where I don't know any of those things, and I'm paying much more attention to how someone physically does something. So I'm looking at their physiology. I'm looking at their breathing. I'm looking at the gestures they have, the pace, their tonality, their facial expressions, their physical attitude in a room, right?
[00:06:40] I watch people very differently because of this. I watch and listen to people very differently because I know what I know. It's quite the insight, and it's an insight I bloody love having. Every single one of my NLP practitioners goes, "I now feel like a wizard."
[00:07:00] You're a wizard, Harry. Because you start looking in a different way. So I will watch an interview, which is one of the things I do when I'm modelling people. I will watch their social media content. I will watch how they present themselves, and I'm looking at, okay, what happens to their body when they talk about something they really believe in?
[00:07:25] What happens when someone challenges them? Hannah Waddingham is amazing at that, amazing at how she holds herself. I very much intuitively model her. I'll get into it, I'm getting excited. But yeah, I'm looking at all these things.
[00:07:47] What happens to their voice when they're talking about their work? Where are they pausing? How do they tell a story? There's so much information that we completely miss when we just listen to people's words. When you're modelling someone, you're really looking at the entire picture. And again, you don't need to want their entire life.
Choosing One Specific Piece of Excellence
[00:08:16] You also don't need to agree with everything they say, or want their business, or whatever it is. You can just choose a specific piece of excellence that you want greater access to, and you can go for gold on that. That's exactly what I've done with these three women. I actually have five that I'm currently in the midst of modelling, and all of them bring so many different things to the table.
[00:08:44] Does this mean I lose myself, who I am, what I believe, what I do, Rebecca Haydon, in all of this? Absolutely not. I take what I like and what I like to see in how they're doing it, and I apply it to myself. So I just want to, as always, preface (clap every time you hear me say that on the podcast) that, again, modelling is not copying.
[00:09:09] I am not becoming these women. I'm taking bits that I like and that I love about them and going, "Okay, how can I apply this to me? I want more access to that within myself."
Modelling Jade Holland Cooper: Holding the Vision
Okay. So let's start with Jade, the first woman I'm currently modelling. Again, you might not have heard of any of these people, which I kind of love, because one, it gives you new access to people who might fire you up, and two, it shows how individual it can be, who you model and who that is for you.
[00:09:42] So go for gold, right? There is an incredible woman called Jade Holland Cooper, and if you don't know her, she is the founder and creative director of Holland Cooper, which is a brand in Britain. They are trying to... look at me talking like I know. They are trying to get into the US at the moment, but it's a very, very British brand.
[00:10:12] She started the brand in 2008, and it was very much tweed mini skirts. She had a tiny stand at one of the horse trials, and from there, oh my God, she has built this incredible British luxury lifestyle brand. It really is a lifestyle. It is a world. And that is what really fascinates me about Jade Holland Cooper.
[00:10:49] I feel like I have to say her full name because I literally do not know her. But that is really what pulled me in. I don't actually own anything from Holland Cooper. I know a lot of people wear it, I've been into the shops, I've been in all of that, but for me, it's really about this lifestyle and world that she has created around her brand.
[00:11:17] And actually, the luxury life that she leads is just chef's kiss, gorgeous. She is married to the guy who started Superdry, which is another brand, so they're two massive fucking powerhouses within that house. It's incredible to see. But what I find fascinating about Holland Cooper is that if you know of it, you know it's Holland Cooper, right?
[00:11:46] There is a really clear world around that brand. The clothes, the way the clothes are made, the way the clothes look, the stores, when you're in a store, the campaigns they do, the events, the influence and the influencers they work with, a lot of whom I watch on YouTube.
[00:12:10] Everything that's presented, it's a world, right? And Jade sits incredibly present within that world. She is an incredibly present CEO, an incredibly present founder, and she really leads from the front on her social media. You see her talking about her products all the time, every single day, in stories, in the reels she does, in the "come with me on a day to X, Y, Z" content.
[00:12:42] She doesn't need to be doing any of this, by the way. The brand is the brand. It would stand by itself if she didn't do this. But I really love the passion and drive behind it. You see her behind the scenes. You see her looking at the samples. There was one particular video I was watching where the trail on the coat she wore for a red carpet wasn't quite long enough, and the specificity of that, how it had to be X amount of centimetres longer, the specifics and the details she cares about, is really cool for me.
[00:13:24] The way you hear her talk about the business, the passion she still has for the things she's building, it's so amazing, and this is what originally made me start looking at her through this lens of modelling. The one thing I'm most interested in with Jade is the way she really holds the vision of what she's creating.
[00:13:51] And quite frankly, I would hazard a guess she's got enough money to not have to hold that vision anymore and just have a nice life. But she feels more passionate than ever, right? Her passion and her drive and her eye for detail and her standards, and the real fucking conviction in what she's building, and the fact that she really, really, really, really, really, really, really gives a shit about what she's building: I really see myself in that, and I really love that.
[00:14:21] I really love that. There's something about watching somebody care that much about what they're creating that has made me feel so incredibly proud about how much I care about what I'm creating. And I just love modelling her in that way, because I can take that. More so, I model Jade within the Subconscious Institute, because that is, for me, my flagship.
[00:14:56] Yes, Rebecca Haydon has been my baby and will be my baby, and is a lovely, lovely part of my business, but the Subconscious Institute is really where I want to take over the world of the subconscious. And the way she holds that vision, and quite frankly her life and her house and the way she lives, is very aligned too.
[00:15:22] But really, I watch her and I follow her and I listen to lots of interviews and to the language she's using, et cetera, and I really look at, okay, where have I made wanting something mean that I'm being too much, or being too difficult, or being a perfectionist, or that I should just let something go because, yeah, it's fine?
[00:15:46] And I know 100% there are versions of perfectionism that completely stop you moving. But the standard she holds for herself and her business, the standard you want associated with your work, knowing what I want my clients to experience, knowing what I want something to look like, knowing what I want it to feel like, knowing what I'm building and being able to hold that: that's what I'm modelling.
[00:16:15] So when I'm using the NLP modelling technique with Jade, I'm really looking at, okay, what would someone have to believe about their own vision to hold it like that? What would they have to believe about their taste? What would they have to believe about their business? What are they paying attention to? She literally refuses to compromise on things, because that is her world.
[00:16:43] So I'm looking at all these things, and then I'm bringing it back into my world. Again, I'm not trying to turn the Subconscious Institute into Holland Cooper, but I'm asking, what does my version of that look like? And I think this is really where I can look at the Subconscious Institute. From the get-go, even before modelling Jade Holland Cooper, it was never just an NLP training.
[00:17:12] I mean, it definitely is, but it's more than that, right? I'm building an institute. There is a standard attached to that. There is an experience. There is a standard of practitioner who comes through our doors. There is a way that I teach people. There is an environment that I create. There's a reputation that I hold.
[00:17:32] There's how somebody feels when they first come into my world, and who they are when they're finishing the training. I care so much about all of that. And modelling Jade has almost given me greater permission to care even more about that. When we're in business, I think we can get caught up in the tiny details that really are not part of the bigger picture: how many people are in the cohort, what content am I making this week, what manual am I changing...
[00:18:08] All of that. You can lose sight of, okay, what am I actually building here? And for me at the moment, Jade keeps bringing me back to that bigger picture: how she holds the vision, how she's held the standard and the detail, and most importantly for me, how she has built that world.
[00:18:30] I literally want a world that I am building. So that has been really, really powerful for me to see from that perspective.
Modelling Farron Clark: Building a Personal Brand by Letting People Watch You Think
The second person I'm currently modelling is Farron Clark. If you're on TikTok... it's so funny, isn't it? If you're on TikTok, you've probably seen her, but then that's my algorithm.
[00:18:55] I'm always like, "Surely you've seen that," and they're like, "No, I haven't seen that." So Farron Clark is very, very, very, very, very different from Jade Holland Cooper: in age, in the way she shows up on social media, in everything, right? It's a very different type of character.
[00:19:15] Farron Clark has been grafting for a really long time with content and content creation, and she has a background in fashion and beauty marketing. She's built a very, very interesting space for herself, and it's basically blown up this year. It started around December of last year.
[00:19:39] She started to go viral and get bigger on TikTok, and it became this thing known as the Farron Clark effect. That's what you would have heard if you've heard of her. She's now working with huge brands. She's currently covering maternity leave for Grace Beverley at Tala. So that's who I'm talking about, if you follow Grace Beverley, who is also someone I model.
[00:20:02] She sits between being a marketer, a strategist and a creator for fashion and beauty brands. I watched an interview she did recently with Aimee Smale, who runs Odd Muse, which is another big British brand that I like.
[00:20:26] I don't really resonate with her as much, but it was a really good interview. Farron's been behind the scenes in brands before, and has been building more of her own presence online around content with fashion and marketing and brands, and her own life has grown massively this year.
[00:20:50] Now, I think the reason I've become so interested in her is because she is doing things differently, which is me to a T. When I watch her content, I'm constantly like, "Fuck me, she is so clever." This is clever. She's got a very creative, clever mind, and she has found ways to demonstrate what she knows and how she knows it without constantly having to announce that she knows it.
[00:21:22] It's very popular in the community. It's very with the people. I love how she shares her opinions. She'll talk about what a brand is doing, what she thinks about a campaign, what she would do, what she likes and doesn't like, and what she's noticing. She has such a massive perspective on things that brands have been hiring her to come and help them with their marketing.
[00:21:47] I know she's just done a big campaign with ASOS as well. And by her sharing the way she thinks, you naturally start to understand the level of expertise she has around everything. That is something I was really interested in modelling, because I am in a very big phase of my life right now, and I think I've alluded to this on the podcast quite a few times.
[00:22:14] I'm really fucking done with coaching industry content. I am bored of it. I do not want to be part of it. I don't want to write in that way anymore. And Farron has been such a big part of me collating and really understanding that. I'm still in the process as I'm recording this video... podcast, and I do record quite far in advance.
[00:22:40] So I've probably announced it by now. But I will be sharing all of this with you, because I do think it's important. Farron has been a really big part of me exploring and understanding what I want it to look like moving forwards. And I definitely will think about it and talk about it, because I know there are so many people feeling this way right now.
[00:23:04] Rather than, "Here are three tips, and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah," she actually lets people experience her brain. She gets them, and she lets them see how she thinks, what she notices, what she pays attention to, and her opinions. You really watch her apply her expertise (expertise, is that right?)
[00:23:30] Expertise to something that's happening in real time, and she does that fucking brilliantly. She's built this massive authority, and brands are literally knocking down the door to work with her at the moment. Obviously, again, I don't know her, but from just watching her, she's built this massive authority through showing you how she thinks.
[00:23:54] That is a massive part of what I've been modelling. And what I also love that she does is that she takes her community with her, so there's real transparency. You see what she's doing and what opportunities are happening. It's almost like she's just chatting with a friend. You see behind the scenes.
[00:24:14] You really feel involved in what she's building, rather than only being shown the polished result afterwards, which I know I definitely haven't done, and I will be doing more of. I do have a very beautiful relationship with my community and my audience, I know that.
[00:24:34] But I think this creates it on a deeper, deeper level. When people are consuming the finished product and they haven't been on that journey with you, it's very different, right? When they have been on that journey with you, they've watched it happen, and they've understood what's actually going on and the evolution of it.
[00:24:55] And I've been thinking a lot about that for the Rebecca Haydon side of the business. Again, I have tendencies (I'm currently in one, for my own reasons) where I go away and do the thing, then come back and tell you about it once I've worked through it or worked it out. Whereas through modelling Farron, I actually want to let people in more.
[00:25:17] I want you to see more of what I'm building on both sides of the business: what I'm thinking about, what I'm learning, what I'm changing, why I'm making certain decisions, what's happening inside the Subconscious Institute, what ideas I'm playing with, the things I have very strong opinions on within the industry.
[00:25:38] This is where modelling Farron has become really useful. Again, I'm not like, "Oh, how do I make the videos Farron is making?" I'm like, "Okay, what is she doing that creates the experience I'm responding to? I love her energy. She has opinions. How does she communicate those opinions?
[00:26:00] How quickly does she appear willing to share what she thinks?" I'm really looking at, okay, how does she turn what she's already noticing into day-to-day content? How much does she let her audience see? Where does she draw the line? These are all the questions I've been asking and understanding.
[00:26:22] It feels very, very relevant to me right now. Very relevant. I have so many opinions about so many things: the coaching industry, NLP, the way people talk about mindset, the way people are teaching subconscious work, what classes as subconscious work, and what I see with clients.
[00:26:43] I have all of that, and I do share it more on the podcast, because it's a longer-form piece of content. But Farron has really made me look at how much of my expertise I demonstrate simply by letting people into the way I think. I think sometimes authority online has become very performative.
[00:27:06] People are trying so hard to sound like an authority, whereas I think, especially through modelling Farron, when someone genuinely knows their stuff and lets you watch them think within it, you make your own decisions about their expertise. They don't need to keep fucking telling you.
[00:27:25] So yeah, that's the bit I'm finding really exciting. It has given me, whilst we're in the works of this, more permission to bring more of me, Rebecca, into Rebecca Haydon: more opinions and conversations and behind the scenes, taking you with me while I build the Subconscious Institute.
[00:27:43] It's really beautiful, because that's what makes Farron such an interesting model for me right now. Jade is really making me look at the world I'm building. Farron's making me look at how much of what I'm building I let you see. So can you see how I'm taking bits of it?
[00:28:01] I'm not copying their whole business. I'm not doing everything they're doing. I'm taking bits I like and then applying them to me. That, for me, is what learning from successful women actually looks like.
Modelling Hannah Waddingham: How She Holds Herself
And then lastly, we have Hannah Waddingham. Now, this incredible lady takes us completely outside of the business world. And ironically, she is a performer and was in the performing arts industry.
[00:28:27] And I have met her, and I've actually had a drink with her. If you don't know her, she has become quite big recently through Ted Lasso, which is a series me and Jack are watching at the moment, actually. We're really liking it. It came out years ago, but we've only just started watching it.
[00:28:44] But she's gone huge, right? She's everywhere. She's everywhere. I feel like I have a connection with her, one, because I have literally met her and had drinks with her. The reason I met her is that when I was in the performing arts industry, I did a singing workshop, and she was one of the coaches.
[00:29:04] So she actually listened to me sing and gave me feedback. And she knew my two main performing arts teachers who I grew up with in the performing arts industry. She was very good friends with them. So I've known of her for a really long time, way, way, way, way before she was what she is now.
[00:29:23] That's not me flexing, by the way. That's just giving you some context. And back then, she blew me away with how she was. Now, like I said, she's an actress. She's a performer. She spent years working in theatre before coming into TV, and she had a huge career in the West End long before people knew her for what she does now.
[00:29:47] And she's had years, as we do as performers, working on her craft. Years, and years, and years, and years, and years, and years, and years, and years, and years of honing her craft. When I was in my heyday of performing, she was in the lead roles. She was at the Olivier Awards.
[00:30:08] She was in the West End. She was on Broadway. And then she moved into television. She was in Game of Thrones and Sex Education, and then Ted Lasso brought this enormous international recognition. Basically, she's exploded, in a good way. And I think, yeah, she did Eurovision. She's doing it all, right?
[00:30:31] So for me with Hannah, it's how she holds herself. Oh my God, that woman. I fancy her a little bit because she's just so powerful in how she holds herself. I literally have physical goosebumps right now. My hairs are standing on end because I have modelled her and how she stands for so long.
[00:30:57] Oh my God, I love it. And ironically, if you have watched Ted Lasso, there is a bit where she teaches her colleagues how she makes herself feel and look bigger, to be more of the boss. She's the owner of a football team in Ted Lasso, which is, you know, a series.
[00:31:20] She does this thing where she breathes in and brings her arms up, almost like a roar. And that, to me, is what I was doing to step into her presence way before she did that in Ted Lasso, so I love that. Ironically, me and Jack went somewhere last weekend for an event that Jack won through a photography competition he entered, and she was there.
[00:31:47] She was there, and I was like, "Oh my God, my model in real life." I was fangirling. I did not go over to her. I didn't say anything to her. I'm not that type of gal. But it was just beautiful, because I got to watch her in fucking real life last weekend. We were standing in the bandstand.
[00:32:08] It was a car festival. We were standing in the bandstand, and she was in an area where she was just talking to people, and everyone else was watching the cars, and I was literally just watching her. For me, the biggest thing I'm modelling from her is how she holds herself.
[00:32:26] Her fucking presence is unlike any fucking woman I have ever met. There is something about that woman when she walks into a room. There is something about her. She is fucking powerful, and I feel like I have to swear when I say that because it's that powerful. But she's warm. She's funny. She's expressive.
[00:32:48] She's glamorous. She's emotional. She is huge in her energy, and it all fucking exists together. It used to really fascinate me back in the day, partly because I resonate so much with her story. She's not big by any stretch of the imagination, but she used to talk about being more voluptuous and the shit she got for that within the performing arts industry.
[00:33:17] So I've always massively resonated with her. The way she is, is very much how I see myself and who I am becoming. So it's always been deeper for me with Hannah. Again, I do not know her, and I'm calling her by her first fucking name in this podcast episode. But yeah, that's really what I'm fascinated by.
[00:33:36] And when I look at where I'm taking Rebecca Haydon as a brand, separate from the Subconscious Institute for a second, for me, in building a personal brand, I want big fucking things. I want keynote stages. I want to be on, I will be on, big podcasts. I am having a book tour. I want to be, I will be... look at me changing my narrative in real time.
[00:34:03] I will be on TV. I will have brand work. I will have massive events. I will walk into rooms where people know my name. And with that, the environments get bigger, the audience gets bigger, the attention gets bigger, and more people are watching. What I've really looked at with Hannah is: who am I as that happens?
[00:34:26] Who am I? This is where I've been really intuitively modelling Hannah. And yes, I can listen to interviews and how she says things, and she's on a lot of interviews, so I can really dive in. Books are really good to model from too. If you can read someone's life in their book, that's an amazing way.
[00:34:47] Or, to be honest, just listen to podcasts they've been on, and you can start to hear the language. But I'm really watching her. How does she sit? How does she use her voice? What happens when she laughs? How expressive is her face? How does she tell a story? How does she receive compliments?
[00:35:08] What does she do when all the attention moves towards her? How much space is she taking up physically? All of this, ugh, is so stunning for me, because I can try pieces of that. What happens if I physically take up a little bit more space? Also, can you hear how different my voice is when I'm talking about Hannah compared to Farron and Jade?
[00:35:32] This, for me, is very much about physiology. What happens if I receive a compliment and just stand there and receive it? What happens if I let people see how fucking excited I am about what I do? What happens when I go into those bigger rooms? It's so, so beautiful, and there's something in the way that fucking woman holds herself that I'm having greater access to.
[00:36:04] It gives me something really specific to model. And honestly, when I saw her at that event the other day, it was Jack who actually saw her, and he was like, "Is that Hannah Waddingham?" And I was like, "Oh, holy shit." And it's funny, because I spoke about her when I was teaching modelling on my NLP Masters, and I told them who I'm modelling at the moment.
[00:36:23] So to then see her weeks after we'd had that conversation was so beautiful, but my God. Just watch a couple of videos of her. And again, you don't have to fucking like her. You don't have to watch Ted Lasso. You don't. But for me, ugh, the way she holds herself is just so, so powerful.
Learning From Successful Women Without Falling Into Comparison
[00:36:41] So that's a bit of an insight into who I'm modelling. I think the biggest thing I want you to take away from this episode is that we all have people we admire. But admiration can very quickly become a comparison. I could look at Hannah and be like, "She's so confident and she's so successful," or I could look at Jade and be like, "Her business is incredible, she's building such a strong brand and she's so good at storytelling."
[00:37:08] Then I could look at myself and be like, "Ugh," and suddenly the thing that inspired me five minutes ago is now evidence of everything I'm not. Fucking no. No. No. Modelling gives you somewhere else to go with it, because I can become curious. What specifically is this person exceptional at? And I would choose one thing. Rather than, "Oh, I kind of want her confidence," it's, no, what does she actually do that you are calling confidence?
[00:37:37] What specifically about the brand are you responding to? What does "show up like her" actually mean? Get specific. Get specific, because then you've got something to model, and you can start looking underneath it. What does she repeatedly do? What is she paying attention to? What seems important to her?
[00:37:56] Et cetera, et cetera. What would someone have to believe for that behaviour to make sense? Ooh, so beautiful. And give yourself a chance to model in places that aren't just watching fucking three-second reels, right? That's why I watch a lot of YouTube, really, because I'm constantly modelling the people I love, what they're doing and how they're doing it.
How to Start Using the NLP Modelling Process
[00:38:22] Give yourself a chance to absorb yourself in their world. Now you're modelling, right? And it's so, so powerful. If you can speak to these people, amazing. I'd hazard a guess that people model me. Ask me questions, baby. Ask me fucking questions. One of the women on my NLP Masters modelled me, and it was amazing. She read out what she'd modelled in me, what she saw and how she saw it.
[00:38:48] It was amazing to hear. It's so cool, the perspective of it. And if you are in rooms with the people you are currently modelling, ask them about their beliefs, ask them about their values, ask them about... get in their mind, get in their mind, and again, you can elicit from that and bring it into you.
[00:39:08] Yeah, bring it to you. So what happens if I adopt that physiology? What happens if I try that belief on? What happens if I make a decision in that way? And just see what happens, right? NLP was born from modelling. The NLP modelling technique is the whole of NLP. They literally took incredible people in the realms of subconscious change and said, "What are they doing?
[00:39:33] How are they doing it? Let's fucking model it." That's where it came from. And actually discover what contributes to excellence. Don't become the person. I want you to become you, and I will remain me. We don't need to know everything, we just want to look for the pieces that matter and then make them our own, right?
[00:39:53] So right now my three, slash I have five, but I'd be here for longer, and my podcast manager's probably like, "Bec, you've gone over again." We're now at 40 minutes. I'm sorry, Nikola, I love you. But right now my three are Jade Holland Cooper, Farron Clark and Hannah Waddingham. They're three completely different women, with completely different careers, and completely different things I'm interested in.
[00:40:16] Like I've said, they're all giving me different things, and actually, so much of me is remaining visible as I become who I'm becoming. So yeah, I love that. I just love this so much, I could talk about it for so long. Go forth and find your models, and look at it from a perspective of no comparison, no nothing, no making yourself feel shit.
[00:40:40] Just: what are they doing? How are they doing it? And how can I bring that into my world? What do you love about them? What can they do exceptionally well? Go and study it. Watch differently. Listen differently. Pay attention. That's the biggest thing you'll get if you become an NLP practitioner.
[00:40:55] I tell you what, you fucking see the world in a different light, because you can listen and watch and do things differently. It is powerful. And the next time you catch yourself going, "God, I wish I could do that," ask yourself, how are they doing that? That question is going to give you a lot.
[00:41:12] Okay, I'll see you next week. Love you lots.
[00:41:14] Bye.
More about The Subconscious Expert:
Welcome to The Subconscious Expert, the podcast where your subconscious becomes your one-way ticket to the mind-blowing results you desire in your life and business! I’m your host, Rebecca Haydon, The Subconscious Expert who went from being stuck in victim mode to a multi 6 figure business owner. Each week, I will be giving you the subconscious tools and techniques so you can become the woman who is living out her vision with a life and business that she is truly OBSESSED with. I have said it before, and I will say it 100 times again: "Your business can't outgrow your mindset, and if you want to grow your business, it always starts with growing your subconscious." So let's dive into the subconscious breakthrough you so deeply deserve!