The Real Reason Why You Can’t Stay Consistent [ep. #248]
Hello lovely lady and welcome to The Subconscious Expert!
Ever bought that perfect planner thinking THIS time you'll finally follow through? Let me tell you exactly why you can't stay consistent – and gorgeous, it's not what you think. I'm about to blow your mind with something that goes way deeper than discipline or willpower.
You know that frustrating pattern where you're perfect for a week, maybe a month, then suddenly you're back to square one? There's a hidden reason your subconscious keeps sabotaging you, and it has NOTHING to do with being lazy.
I'm exposing the three invisible loops that control every single behaviour in your business (and why 99% of entrepreneurs are trying to fix the wrong one). Plus, I'll reveal why those colour-coded calendars and habit trackers are actually keeping you stuck.
What if I told you there's a completely backwards approach that makes consistency automatic – no forcing, no negotiating with yourself, just obvious action? This goes against everything you've been taught about building habits, but once you hear it, you'll never look at your business behaviours the same way again.
Topics covered on The Real Reason Why You Can’t Stay Consistent:
Why does forcing behaviour change feel like holding a beach ball underwater (and always pop back up)?
Why can't you stay consistent – is it really about your willpower?
Why does your subconscious sabotage you even when you know all the right strategies?
What are the three subconscious loops that keep entrepreneurs stuck on repeat?
How can you flip the script and start with identity first to make consistency automatic?
Resources mentioned in this episode:
Quote:
"Your business will only ever rise to the level of the woman you believe you are." - Rebecca Haydon
Transcription:
Our AI tried its best, but expect a few quirky typos in the transcript. Embrace the imperfections and enjoy the read!
[00:00:00] You are listening to the Subconscious Expert, the podcast where your subconscious becomes your one-way ticket to the mind-blowing results you desire in your life and business. I've said it before and I will say it a hundred times again. Your business cannot outgrow your mindset. And if you wanna grow your business, it always starts with growing your subconscious.
So let's dive into the subconscious breakthrough you so deeply deserve. Hello, gorgeous lady. Welcome back to the Subconscious Expert. We're diving right in today. We are, because I know that there is so many of you out there that tell yourself. Okay, this time I'm gonna be consistent. This time I will stop procrastinating.
This time I will finally prove I can follow through. I'm gonna [00:01:00] say what I wanna do, and I'm gonna fricking do it. And. Yes, for a week or two or a day or two or a month maybe you do, the content goes out, the routine sticks, you're looking after yourself. The planner looks, chef's kiss, but then the slide happens and we woo all the way back to square one doing what you were doing.
About a month ago, and you sat there being like, what is wrong with me? Why can't I just do this? Like, am I, am I lazy? Like, do I not want this business enough? Let me my love, stop you. Let me stop you there. The real reason [00:02:00] why this is happening is that you are trying to change the last layer first, and you are starting at behavior, and I was hazard a guess that you're also trying to change things in your environment, which as an NLP trainer, I can tell you is the surface.
Okay. When we look at starting to change at behavior and shifting our environment, oh, when I get a cleaner desk, that's when I'll work harder. Or when I go on holiday, that's when I'll make more sales. You are starting at the surface and actually the behavior is never the root of why you are doing this.
So let's get very, very clear. Very, very clear. There are three levels of subconscious loops [00:03:00] I see entrepreneurs get stuck in. So we've got a first level the behavior loop, so that's procrastination, perfectionism, inconsistency, et cetera. You've then got the belief loops. I'm not good enough. If I stop off, fall behind, I'll bloody burn out if I don't do more.
I have to prove my worth. Belief loops. And then the final layer is the identity loops. I am the kind of woman who always, I'm the one who can't now. Pretty much every man and his dog will start with every woman and his dog. Her dog will start with behavior, and that is because behavior is so visible, right?
It's trackable. You can see yourself [00:04:00] doing it. It actually looks like the fricking problem here, right? You can, you can physically see it, so you download the habit tracker. You download the, the thing that you think is gonna change. You know everything. You color code your calendars, you set the alarms. You, you are like, right.
If I just put more in place, if I just try harder, I will crack it. And like I said at the beginning for. For a while. It does work. It does work. Uh, but then the subconscious kicks in and actually what's happening is the subconscious mind is wired to prove who you believe you are at the core over and over and over again.
So if your identity is. I'm inconsistent and always have been. It doesn't fucking matter how many planners you buy. You know, the planner that you think is gonna be the [00:05:00] planner, the time that you buy it, and you'll, you are like waiting for it in the post because you know that the moment that drops on the floor of your house that this is gonna change everything and then you don't even get to opening it.
The subconscious will sabotage to match the identity that you have at your wired core. That is not because your subconscious hates you. It is because it loves the familiar, okay? It is wanting to keep you in the predictable, and if the behavior that you're trying to change or the behavior that you're stepping into, if that contradicts the identity, the self-concept that you hold about yourself, it feels threatening.
Which is why a lot of the time when you are changing behavior and you are doing nothing else on the underneath of the behavior, it [00:06:00] almost feels like, and this is kind of what I imagine holding a beach ball underwater, you know, and you can like push and you can strain to keep it down and like it moves and you're like, the second you get distracted, the second that someone says, do you want a mojito?
It pops back up. Right, right in front of your face and you get all wet and that pop back is your subconscious pulling you into the familiar identity. Now, this is where everything changes in my world because in my world we reverse engineer it. In my world, it's identity first, belief second behavior lasts.
Everything else lines up. Everything else lines up. I want you to almost think of it like this. I'll just give you another, um, reframe to get your head around this. So the subconscious is constantly [00:07:00] asking, okay, who are we? Who are we? Who are we? Who are we in this world? And once it has the answer, it's scans your environment for ways to prove it.
So if your identity is. I'm flaky. Your beliefs will bend to support it. So then you'll be like, see, I can't stick to anything. And then your behavior will follow. Now, if your identity is, I'm the woman who shows up, your beliefs shift to match. Of course this matters to me. Of course, I'm gonna follow through.
Of course I'm gonna say what I, what I've said I'm gonna do. The behavior becomes automatic, and this is why trying to force behavior does not work. The subconscious will always find a way. It will always fight to keep your identity intact, always. [00:08:00] Okay, identity is at the top of the pyramid. Beliefs live beneath that, and behavior and environment is at the bottom.
Now when the identity shifts everything else underneath it. Reorganizes. That's why a lot of the work that I do with my one-to-one clients is so deep because we're going to the identity and the belief level, then we match the behaviors. The behaviors naturally start to happen because of the, the identity and the belief work that we're doing, right?
This is why consistency stops being something you force when you actually shift your identity. You don't even have to think about. It becomes the obvious thing you do. You know, my clients will message me being like, I've just done this. And I'm like, of course you have. Of course you have. 'cause that's who you are now.
Yeah. So if you identify as the kind of woman, [00:09:00] uh, for example, who, who works out? I'm the kind of woman who works out. I'm the kind of woman who goes to the gym. You don't negotiate with yourself every morning. You just go. If you identify as a business owner who leads powerfully, you don't second guess what you're posting.
You share them, right? Identity makes behavior obvious. So let's go down even further now. As we've said, we've got the, the, the kind of three loops, the behavior, the belief, the identity, and these have the layers. So the behavior is the symptom. Like we said, that's what you see on the surface. That's what you can physically, that's what you get frustrated at, right?
You can see your behaviors playing out and you're like, why can I not just do this? Then you've got the beliefs. The beliefs are almost the set of rules underneath. The I can't, the I must. And then the [00:10:00] identity is the root. This, whenever you know that you are in an identity, you are usually using the words I am.
It's the label that you give yourself concept. I am not good enough. I am lazy, I am not organized. Right. And your subconscious. He is obsessed with keeping these layers like con congruent with each other. Now, if there's a mismatch, identity will always win. Okay? That's why in business you can know all the strategy, you can know all the steps.
You can know every single how to, and you've got all of the information there in front of you, and you can still sabotage because actually, if identity contradicts it, you won't allow yourself to follow through. And the subconscious does it so automatically, and so behind the scenes it just runs in the background, right?
It's adjusting your thoughts. It adjusts where your attention goes. It will adjust your [00:11:00] emotions to keep you in alignment with the identity. Yeah, that's why you procrastinate on content that you could easily write. You've got a lot of things to help you with it or why you avoid looking at your bank account.
Or why you are constantly creating new offers instead of actually sustaining one that works, right? Never about knowledge. Very, very rarely, never, usually about the skill. It's about the identity and the subconscious beliefs in who you are, in who you believe you are, right? It cares who you believe you are.
So hope this is blowing your mind slightly. Now, what do we actually do with it? We flip it and reverse it. Wish I knew the words. Flip it and reverse it. We do identity first. We do identity first. We do [00:12:00] belief second, and we do behavior last. So I'm gonna take procrastination, for example. Now on the surface.
Procrastination a hundred percent looks like a behavior problem. I'm just not sitting down to do the thing. But actually underneath there is. Beliefs. Now, the beliefs could look like, and these are gonna be very different for every single person, and this is where I get my little digger out and do my subconscious magic.
Yes, people have said that I am a wonder woman and we have a look, right? If I put it out there, I'll be judged, or if I succeed, I won't be able to keep it up. Or who am I? Yeah. And then deeper still the identity we are now working with. Well, I'm the [00:13:00] kind of woman who always starts but never finishes. And by God, when I've worked with this particular system in my one to one, like.
That client will have a lot of evidence to prove that she's the kind of woman who always starts but never finishes because she's been living from that identity. So if we only fix the behavior of actually sitting down to doing the thing, we're swimming at the surface. You'll do it once, maybe twice, and we will revert back if we have a look at the belief.
But we only kind of reframe the belief. We're halfway down. Right when you shift the identity, I am the woman who finishes what she starts. Suddenly the belief updates, uh, of course I can sustain this, and then the behavior. Have a little guess naturally [00:14:00] follows. Yeah. Inside my one-to-one, I do not waste time tinkering with fricking habit tracking surface habits, right?
We go straight to the root. We work with the identity that's running the show because until you do that, you will carry on doing the behaviors that match the current identity you are running from. Running with like your business will only ever rise to the level of the woman you believe you are. And actually, hmm.
The second we upgrade her, the beliefs then shift the behaviors. All then change. Everything in your external business actually starts to match it. Actually starts to match it. So what I want you to take from today is if you have been beating yourself round the head for not being consistent or not following through, uh.
I want you to hear it. It is because you've been trying to [00:15:00] change the last layer first, and your subconscious does not work like that. Identity is the root identity always wins. So. Even to just start off with, with this week, I want you to ponder on, okay, who am I believing myself to be right now? Who am I believing myself to be right now?
What identity would make consistency feel inevitable? What identity would make consistency feel like? Of course, of course. And then when you look at that, what then becomes obvious when I start from identity and not from behavior. When you shift identity, everything else follows. You don't have to force consistency anymore.
You don't have to [00:16:00] fricking force yourself to sit down. It just becomes the the only option because that is who you are. That is who you are. Okay? This is the work that we do inside by one-to-one. I don't spend months fixing your habits. I go straight to the identity running the show, and I have so many powerful.
Powerful transformations that can show you exactly that. That's what we've done. Definitely. If you check out the success stories, uh, on the podcast, I'll link a few of them below. We've got more success stories to come, which is very exciting. Like when you become the woman who shows up or who follows through or holds the amount of money.
When that is at an identity level, your business doesn't have a choice. But to actually follow that is the power. Of the subconscious, and that is why behavior change only sticks when you actually start at the root. I want you to really, really dive into [00:17:00] this today. I want you to really understand the identity that you want to bring into your business.
Like I said, your business will only ever rise to the level of woman you believe we are. You believe you are, and the moment we actually upgrade her, the belief shifts, the behavior locks in, everything starts to to look very, very, very different, huh? I hope you've enjoyed today's podcast episode. If you do want more information around one-to-one, just send me a DM on Instagram or you can apply through the show notes and I will see you in the next episode.
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More about The Subconscious Expert:
Welcome to The Subconscious Expert, the podcast where your subconscious becomes your one-way ticket to the mind-blowing results you desire in your life and business! I’m your host, Rebecca Haydon, The Subconscious Expert who went from being stuck in victim mode to a multi 6 figure business owner. Each week, I will be giving you the subconscious tools and techniques so you can become the woman who is living out her vision with a life and business that she is truly OBSESSED with. I have said it before, and I will say it 100 times again: "Your business can't outgrow your mindset, and if you want to grow your business, it always starts with growing your subconscious." So let's dive into the subconscious breakthrough you so deeply deserve!