Stalking Her IG Again? Stop Comparing Yourself to Others With This NLP Technique [ep. #265]
Hello lovely lady and welcome to The Subconscious Expert!
You're scrolling Instagram again. You see her. The one who's always launching something new, making the kind of money you want, living the life you dream about. And before you know it, you're 45 minutes deep comparing yourself to others, analysing their content, checking their engagement, and feeling heavy as hell.
This comparison spiral is not costing you only time but your self trust, your self belief, and your ability to build the business you actually want.
In today's episode I'm breaking down the limiting beliefs that keep you stuck in comparison mode, what it's doing to your subconscious mind, and an NLP technique called perceptual positions that completely flips the pattern. I'm showing you how to rewire your brain to use other people's success as evidence for what's possible, instead of proof that you're not enough.
This episode is different! We're doing the technique together, so find somewhere you can actually do this work. Because successful women entrepreneurs aren't the ones constantly checking what everyone else is doing. They're the ones backing themselves fully. Let's break the pattern.
Topics covered on Stop Comparing Yourself To Others:
Why comparing yourself to others is actually your subconscious keeping you safe (and what it's really protecting you from)
The three limiting beliefs driving your comparison spiral and how they're teaching your subconscious you can't be trusted
How comparison destroys your self belief and keeps you invisible (even when you think you're being productive)
The exact NLP technique I use to flip comparison into evidence
Why studying successful women entrepreneurs from the wrong place keeps you stuck in "learning mode" forever
How to rewire your brain to interpret other people's success as proof it's possible for you too
What becomes available when you stop checking what she's doing and start building self trust instead
Connect with Rebecca Haydon:
Quote:
"Every time you check what she's doing before you make a move, you are teaching your subconscious that you can't trust your own judgment." - Rebecca Haydon
Transcription:
Our AI tried its best, but expect a few quirky typos in the transcript. Embrace the imperfections and enjoy the read!
Comparing yourself to others on Instagram is costing you more than time. It's destroying your self trust and keeping you invisible. In this episode, I'm breaking down the limiting beliefs that keep you stuck in comparison mode and why your subconscious uses it as protection from fully backing yourself. You'll learn an NLP technique called perceptual positions that helps you rewire your brain to see other people's success as evidence instead of threat. I'll walk you through exactly how to build self belief that doesn't depend on what she's doing, and why being magnetic requires you to stop trying to be her. If you're ready to use what successful women entrepreneurs are doing as fuel instead of proof you're behind, this one's for you.
[00:00:00] Welcome to the Subconscious Expert. I'm your host, Rebecca Haydon, NLP trainer, subconscious business mentor and founder of a multi-six figure business that's helped hundreds of ambitious female entrepreneurs break through to their next level. This podcast is for the moment where you can feel the next level call in, and you're ready to actually step into it to become the woman who already knows.
[00:00:28] She can have it all. Every Tuesday we go beyond surface level advice and dive into the subconscious patterns that help you hold more. Here we combine business strategy with real subconscious work, so you get practical tools and deep transformation. Consider this your gentle kick up the ass. Let's get into today's episode.
[00:00:51] Well, hello my love. Welcome back to the Subconscious Expert. Today we're talking about something. We all do. But no one [00:01:00] wants to admit. If you've seen the title, you know exactly what I'm talking about. You're having a little scroll on Instagram and you see her post, the one who's always launching some. The new or the one with the perfect brand or the one who seems to have it all figured out, the one that's making the kind of money that you want or living the life that you want, and you have a little clicky click, a little clicky click and it's usually not a little hate watch.
[00:01:33] Maybe you're not even jealous. Not really like actually, really, but you are checking. You are comparing, you are doing a little study. Yeah. And you're looking at what she's doing and you're looking at what she's saying or he's saying, is it working for her? And before you know it, we're 45 minutes in scrolling [00:02:00] the content, analyzing the offers, looking at the comments, at the engagement, and you're feeling heavy.
[00:02:09] You're feeling deflated. And by God, you're feeling very behind. Now, today on today's podcast episode I. What this pattern is actually costing you. Not just the time though, that is probably quite significant. Um, you'll probably, you know, get back quite a bit of time, actually seen as comparison. Scroll hole is one of the key indicators, um, that I see.
[00:02:42] But actually we're gonna have a look at what it's doing to your subconscious, what it's doing to, uh. Your self trust really, um, and what it's doing to your ability to build the business you actually want. And I'm actually [00:03:00] also gonna do a little NLP technique that kind of flips the pattern completely. Um, I really want you to.
[00:03:08] Use other people's success as evidence for what's possible. And that is a lot of the concept of NLP to be honest. But right now, a lot of the time people are using other people's success for proof that you are not enough, that you are not there yet, that it's never gonna happen. Insert your beliefs or we're breaking them.
[00:03:29] Today. So let's actually break down what's happening on the old comparison spiral. Now, on the surface, a hundred percent, you might be thinking or kidding yourself, saying that you're doing research. You know that either you are learning or we're keeping on track of the viral reels on your reel scroll.
[00:03:57] But actually. [00:04:00] Looking subconsciously at this, there's a couple of things that might be going on. You might be having a little seek out for external validation for the decisions that you haven't made yet, or perhaps you are having a little lucky look for Permission to do what you already know you need to do.
[00:04:24] Maybe you're checking if your ideas are good enough, seeing if someone else is doing the same sort of thing or what they're doing, so you can then do that. Now, the cost of that is that you're teaching your subconscious quite a few things now, every time you check what she's doing before you make a move, you are teaching your subconscious that you can't trust your own judgment.
[00:04:50] Every time you compare your content, you are reinforcing the belief that. [00:05:00] Your voice isn't valuable unless it sounds like the person who's doing really good at content. Every time you see the success of that person and you feel behind and it makes you feel behind, you are programming your subconscious to believe that her win is actually somehow your loss.
[00:05:24] Now the sickest part about this, um, is comparison actually can feel quite productive, like gives you that boost, right? It feels like you're working on your business. Might be feeling like you're being a bit strategic, but actually if we're doing it for the wrong reasons.
[00:05:43] We're avoiding. Right? And when you're in comparison mode, you are operating from lack. She has something I don't. Um, she is further ahead than me. She [00:06:00] has something figured out that I haven't, and your subconscious hears that and it will go, oh, okay, well we are not enough yet, or We are not ready yet. Or We need to keep watching and learning until we are.
[00:06:16] So actually what happens, and this is like a, a thing that I see across. The whole of this industry, because that's where the marketing is, is that you stay in research mode. You stay in. Information gathering mode, like how many more things can I gather? You stay in preparation mode and you never actually build because actually building would require you to trust yourself.
[00:06:41] And the comparison that you've been doing that you might have really f fallen into has just reinforced that you can't be trusted. Like that's the spiral you compare. You probably then feel that you are not enough or not good enough, so you seek more information. You compare [00:07:00] again, you feel further behind, and we repeat.
[00:07:03] And yes. Okay. The whole time we might think we're being strategic. We might think we're learning from successful people. And this isn't me saying that never buy a course or do anything again, I just want it to come from the right place. But actually, if it is coming from the place of lack, you are actually just teaching your subconscious that you are not ready to be one of them yet.
[00:07:23] And I don't freaking want that for you. I do not want you to stay stuck in this. Now your subconscious keeps you in. Um, comparison mode, because usually it's safer than the alternative. What's the alternative? I hear you ask Rebecca. Trusting yourself. Oh, lo and behold, Hmm. Yes. Creating from your own voice instead of checking if it sounds like that person or that's the way that she's done it.
[00:07:56] So therefore, price in your offers [00:08:00] based on your own value. Posting content without needing to see if anyone said X, Y, Z. Making moves without permission from the industry, from your coach, from your mom, from your friends, are like backing yourself fully. That's what you're avoiding. And I do get it. I get it.
[00:08:22] Backing yourself fully is very fucking vulnerable because if you copy her approach and it doesn't work, you can blame the strategy or her. It worked for her. It worked for her. So it's gotta be something to do with the execution, right? But if you trust yourself, if you create from your own genius and it doesn't work a hundred percent, that does feel more personal, right?
[00:08:49] It feels like, oh, oh, okay. Like maybe I'm not actually good enough. So actually, your subconscious keeps you in comparison mode to protect you from that risk. [00:09:00] If you never fully back yourself, you never have to actually confront whether you're capable or good enough or whatever that is, so you can stay in the, like, I'm still learning here.
[00:09:13] Let me stay in my struggling business owner. Like I'm still, I'm still learning seven years in. Like your subconscious thinks it's safer, but actually the only thing that it's costing you is. Building a business that's actually yours. Like you're borrowing things from so many, like a bit of her content style, a bit of her messaging, a bit of her pricing, like doesn't feel like you, which is why it doesn't work the way it works for her.
[00:09:43] Like she's not trying to be you. She's fully herself, and that is like very magnetic, very magnetic. You can't be magnetic while you are trying to be her. So actually comparison is keeping you invisible anyway. People want [00:10:00] the original. I want you to be your original. So every minute you spend comparing is a minute that you are not spending becoming more fully yourself.
[00:10:13] That's the real cost. I think that's the real cost and, and look. I was the biggest comparer around, especially in the performing arts industry. So let's go a little bit deeper on the beliefs that are actually driving this pattern. I think a lot of the time when we can see it, um, we can start to rewire them quicker.
[00:10:33] So the first belief that I see a lot is, um, like her success means there's less space for me and quite frankly. This is scarcity mindset. At its finest. At its finest. Like if she's successful, that somehow diminishes your chances of success. [00:11:00] Or if she's already saying what you wanted to say, there's no fucking point in me saying it.
[00:11:05] Or if she's already serving your ideal client, they won't need you. So actually what you're teaching your subconscious here is that it will genuinely believe that success is a limited resource. And actually like the comparison spiral is just reinforcing that belief every time, every single time. The second belief that I see is like you need to know the right way before you can move like in quotation marks.
[00:11:36] And this belief will honestly keep you in research forever. I. Constant learning, constant research. There's always someone else, someone new, someone else to check, another successful person to study more information for you to have like your subconscious uses that very, very cleverly. As [00:12:00] protection from making the wrong move.
[00:12:01] Like if you're still researching, if you're still in research mode, you can't be wrong yet. Right? So you keep yourself in that. The third one that I see, and it's quite a big one, is that like it's almost that you are, um, you are worth is relative to others. So you are kind of. You are not looking at your content and being like, okay, is this valuable?
[00:12:29] Like, you are literally evaluating it based on whether it's as good as hers or, um, whether it's price like hers or whether it's as far along as she is, or, um. You get the picture. I used to do this a lot with age. I used to look at someone's age and go like, okay, so they're 25. This was like back in the day.
[00:12:54] It was a real pattern that I had. It was quite funny. Now I look back, but I was like, right, they're 25 and they've got the success I want. [00:13:00] So I'm 22, so therefore I've got three years now to like really make this happen because it was 25. Weird, weird. Why was I doing that? Subconscious programming, right? So these beliefs are what keeps the comparison spiral running.
[00:13:21] And actually until you reprogram them, you will keep falling back into those. Patterns. Now there is an NLP technique. There's quite a few NLP techniques that I use with comparison and, well, not with comparison with looking at how other people are successful and how I break down that success, um, and how they're doing it versus what I can then do to create that success for myself.
[00:13:45] That's the whole concept of NLP, to be honest, but there's one. Technique called perceptual positions. And I think this will really, really help you 'cause it completely shifts how you experience other people's [00:14:00] success. So, um. It's a really cool exercise if you are somewhere that you can't actually do this.
[00:14:07] Um, just come back to this part later, but let's, let's do it now. So I want you to think of someone you compare yourself to. I want you to think of someone you might not even compare, but just think of someone whose success triggers the I'm behind or I'm not good enough, or whatever. It gives you that feeling, okay, you got them.
[00:14:31] Good. Okay, so now I want you to imagine you are looking at them from where you are right now. Okay? So first position. You are looking at her. You are looking at her, and I want you to notice what you feel when you look at her success from this possession. From this position that you're in, looking at her through your eyes, looking at her.[00:15:00]
[00:15:00] Just notice how you feel. Notice what thoughts come up, notice what you hear. Notice the feelings in your body. Just do that first for me. You might wanna pause. Now. What I want you to do is I want you to step into. The second position. Now the second position is imagine you are seeing the world from her perspective.
[00:15:32] So you are not watching her. You are actually being her. So from her position, what does she see when she looks at her own success? How is she focused on her own path, her own clients, her own vision? Is she worried about whether you are behind or ahead? Is she thinking about you? So I want [00:16:00] you to step into the second position and just imagine you are seeing the world from her perspective.
[00:16:11] And most of the time when you do this, you kind of begin to realize, oh, okay, she's just building her thing. Like she's got the trust, she's got the self-belief. Goes back to last week, last week's podcast episode. Okay, pause there if you need a little bit more time. Now, I want you to step into the third position, which is what we call the observer PO position.
[00:16:35] So I just want you to imagine. That you are floating above both of you, so you can see kind of both of you at the same time. Now, from this position, what do you notice? You are both building businesses, you are both creating, um, you are both on your own paths. [00:17:00] Actually, her being further ahead. Probably doesn't affect your path at all.
[00:17:09] Like you're not even actually on the same journey, like you go in your own directions. Now, from this observer position, what becomes available that wasn't available when you are in comparison mode?
[00:17:32] Now for most people, usually what becomes available is space. Space to build your own thing without it being in competition with hers, if that's what it feels like, space to learn from her without it meaning something about you. Space to actually see her success as evidence that it's possible [00:18:00] rather than the proof that you're constantly behind.
[00:18:05] That's what we wanna reprogram. I want you to be able to hold multiple truths at once and like actually show your subconscious that she can be successful and you can be successful. She can be visible. And you can be fricking visible. She can have her approach and you can have yours. Now with that, the last thing I want you to do is I want you to come back to the first position.
[00:18:35] So I want you to come back to you back through your eyes looking now, and just notice does she feel different now? Does her success hit differently when you've experienced it from these positions?
[00:18:54] And Tadda. That is the technique. You can use it anytime, anytime. I mean, you can use it with a lot of things, but [00:19:00] use it. Anytime you find yourself spiraling into comparison. Go into your position first, then see it from her perspective, then see it from the observer. You can do this in an argument. It's an amazing, it's amazing for an argument.
[00:19:13] Um, but you come back to yourself with that expanded view. It changes everything, what we call an NLP. It changes your map. Changes how you see the world, which kind of brings me on to how to actually use other people's success in a way that serves you. Because the thing is, is that like we actually don't need to avoid seeing successful people.
[00:19:37] You don't need to unfollow everyone, put your head in the sand and never scroll again. We actually want to reframe what their, what their success means for you. So right now, when you see someone successful. There has been a subconscious program of your subconscious interpreting it as a threat, right? It might be, um, [00:20:00] she's ahead, which means I'm behind or she's successful.
[00:20:04] Um, which means there's less space for me. She's figured it out, which means I haven't threat, threat, threat, threat, threat, threat, threat. But actually what if their success was just a lot of evidence instead? Evidence that it's possible, evidence that your ideal clients are actually out there and they're willing to pay evidence that women like you can build.
[00:20:30] What you wanna build is exactly the same success. You're just giving it a completely different meaning.
[00:20:38] When you see someone who's 10 steps ahead of you, your subconscious has two options. Option one threat. I'll never get there. She's got something I don't have. I've run out of time, yada, yada, yada. Insert your beliefs or option two fucking evidence. If she can do it, so can I. She's proof it's possible. [00:21:00] Which option do you think leads to action?
[00:21:04] Which option do you actually think builds your self-belief? That's, that's the beauty when you can reprogram how you interpret other people's success. Like use it as data points. I like, oh, she's successful with that approach. Okay, data, data point for me. Or, oh, she's charging that amount of money, data, she's visible, thriving, she's getting bad comments and she's still alive.
[00:21:31] Data, like she's built what you wanna build data. This is how you use others' success to fuel your own instead of like literally crushing you down into a heap in the ground. Like stop making it mean something about you and start using it as evidence for what is possible. So just to know comparison is just purely a [00:22:00] protection pattern.
[00:22:01] Your subconscious is using it to keep you safe, usually from fully backing yourself and going for it. But it's costing you. It's costing your voice, it's costing you time, it's costing you self-trust. It's costing the ability to actually build a business that's yours. So actually what we want to do. Is, and I don't want you to avoid sex successful people like I want you to reprogram how you interpret their success like I'm behind, or it's possible for me too.
[00:22:34] Use that perceptual positions technique that I showed you and go into that observation mood. That's when you can see it clearly. I hope you've enjoyed today's episode. Bit of a different one today, and I really wanted to do that exercise with you, but really have a little think like, what would I create?
[00:22:53] What would I do? Who would I be if I stopped checking what they're doing, how they're doing it, [00:23:00] how they've been successful? That's your work. Today. Okay. And if you want help reprogramming these patterns at a deeper level, come find me. My link is in the show notes to message me on Instagram. My one-to-one application is in there too.
[00:23:14] This is exactly what I do inside my world. Alrighty, that's it for today. Go build your thing. Not her. Yours and I will see you next week. If you're loving these conversations, make sure you are subscribed to the subconscious expert and come connect with me on Instagram at underscore Rebecca Haydon underscore.
[00:23:36] I'll see you next time on the subconscious expert.
More about The Subconscious Expert:
Welcome to The Subconscious Expert, the podcast where your subconscious becomes your one-way ticket to the mind-blowing results you desire in your life and business! I’m your host, Rebecca Haydon, The Subconscious Expert who went from being stuck in victim mode to a multi 6 figure business owner. Each week, I will be giving you the subconscious tools and techniques so you can become the woman who is living out her vision with a life and business that she is truly OBSESSED with. I have said it before, and I will say it 100 times again: "Your business can't outgrow your mindset, and if you want to grow your business, it always starts with growing your subconscious." So let's dive into the subconscious breakthrough you so deeply deserve!