How To Bring The Fun In Business Back When You've Lost Your Spark [ep. #294]
Having fun in business shouldn't be optional but mandatory. So why is it the last thing we think about when it comes to business?
Today, I'm bringing you another client success story. Therese came to my world about a year ago overwhelmed, multitasking constantly and convinced she just needs more discipline. She'd come to hate marketing her business, because every post had to be perfect before she'd let anyone see it.
A year on, she runs that same business as a completely different woman, and the thing that shifted had nothing to do with strategy. Through parts work she found the part of herself she'd buried, and once she reconnected with her, everything changed.
We got into the money beliefs she inherited from generations before her, how we rebuilt her money mindset, and the one thing that we did that ended her social media comparison in a matter of days!
More about Therese Stahl:
Therapist focused on inner child work & healthy emotional regulation.
Topics covered on How To Bring The Fun In Business:
What kills the fun in business faster than anything else, and what did Therese need instead?
Where was Therese a year ago, and what finally made her invest in mindset coaching?
How did we discover the part of herself that completely changed how she runs her business now?
What did we do to end her social media comparison spiral once and for all?
What shifted in her money mindset when she realised those money beliefs were never hers?
Connect with Rebecca Haydon:
Connect with Therese Stahl:
Website: https://www.mindling.se
Instagram: @mindling.se
Inner child membership: https://www.mindling.se/medlemskap_inre_barnet
Related episodes you may enjoy:
Quote:
"Fun shouldn't be nice to have, it's a have-to-have. This is a longevity sport." - Therese Stahl
Transcription:
Our AI tried its best, but expect a few quirky typos in the transcript. Embrace the imperfections and enjoy the read!
[00:00:00] Rebecca Haydon: One of the biggest misconceptions I see in business is that when things stop feeling good, when the fun in business drains away, you think you need to inject yourself with more discipline, you need a better strategy, you need another course. And I know that you know that we know that I don't think that's true. Because more often than not, you have simply become almost disconnected from the version of you who loved building your business in the first place.
[00:00:31] Rebecca Haydon: We know she hasn't gone anywhere, but she has been buried underneath the pressure. The pressure to get it right, the constant overthinking, the never ending search for the next answer, and that belief that if you just worked a little bit harder, everything would click into place. This is exactly why I wanted to bring Therese, my one to one client, onto the podcast today and share her success story with you.
[00:00:57] Rebecca Haydon: When Therese first came into my world, she was overwhelmed. She was constantly multitasking. She was worrying about money. She was convinced that she needed to work harder to create more, stuck in a constant cycle. Through our container, and the story you are about to listen to, our time together was truly about helping her reconnect with the parts of herself that she had lost as she built this successful business.
[00:01:28] Rebecca Haydon: She'd lost the fun. She'd lost her creativity. She'd lost the curiosity, and the part of her which eventually became known as Sparky Sparks, who you will meet in this interview. Honestly, I think so many of you are going to hear yourself in this conversation, and I am so excited to have Therese on the podcast today.
[00:01:50] Rebecca Haydon: Welcome to The Subconscious Expert. I'm your host, Rebecca Haydon, NLP trainer, subconscious business mentor, and founder of a multi 6-figure business that's helped hundreds of ambitious female entrepreneurs break through to their next level. This podcast is for the moment where you can feel the next level calling, and you're ready to step into it, to become the woman who already knows she can have it all.
[00:02:18] Rebecca Haydon: Every Tuesday, we go beyond surface-level advice and explore the subconscious patterns that help you hold more. Here we combine business strategy with real subconscious work, so you get practical tools and deep transformation. Consider this your gentle kick up the ass. Let's get into today's episode.
Meet Therese Stahl, the Therapist Behind Mindling
[00:02:35] Rebecca Haydon: So, from my very beautiful intro, I have the gorgeous Therese with me here today. I'm so excited to have you on the podcast. Say hello to everyone.
[00:02:48] Therese Stahl: Hello, hello, I'm Therese. I runmindling.se, a Swedish-based therapy business working with inner child healing and emotional regulation.
[00:03:01] Rebecca Haydon: Amazing. Thank you for coming on today. I'm very excited for us to get into it. We have had quite the journey together.
[00:03:08] Therese Stahl: We have. It's been a year.
A Year of Work That Started With the "This Is Who I Am Now" Challenge
[00:03:10] Rebecca Haydon: A year, yeah, literally a year, pretty much nearly to the date. Because you started in my world with This Is Who I Am Now, my iconic challenge that is making a comeback this year too. Then we went on to a container together, then we had a little break, and then we've just recently come out of another container together.
[00:03:32] Rebecca Haydon: So we're going to be talking a bit here, there and everywhere. But start with telling us where you were when you came into This Is Who I Am Now, because I know that's still having major effects on you to this day, isn't it?
[00:03:45] Therese Stahl: Yeah, I was constantly stuck in overwhelm, constantly stuck in multitasking and stress, always worried about money, always in a kind of scarcity mindset, and not really seeing the way forward. So that's where I was. And then I worked through This Is Who I Am Now, and my mind was blown, Bec. I'm just saying, my mind was blown. And I just felt I needed more from this woman.
[00:04:16] Rebecca Haydon: Yes. And I remember it being something that you still say to yourself to this day. You say, "This is who I am now," and we still have jokes about that even now, don't we?
[00:04:28] Therese Stahl: Yeah, and it's still there. I have the sticker on my computer. Every time I look, it's still there. "This is who I am now."
[00:04:35] Rebecca Haydon: I love it. And I think you saw such a big shift during that time, with the evidence we were building and the way I created that challenge that really allowed you to step into this new version of yourself, didn't it? And then we carried on doing the work with that.
The Money Mindset That Kept Her Stuck in Overwhelm
[00:04:49] Rebecca Haydon: If you'd described your relationship with your business back then, what feelings, what thoughts, how would you have described it?
[00:05:03] Therese Stahl: I remember back then it was a lot to do with money. There's never enough money, money can't come to me, I don't have enough. It's difficult, it's hard, I have to work hard for it, I can't trust it. So there was a lot of that at that time. The question I came to you with was about money mindset, but we covered a lot of other things too, and they were all connected back to that money mindset.
[00:05:31] Rebecca Haydon: Yeah, and we did find quite a lot of avenues that would bring us back to similar situations and experiences you'd been part of. Even in this container that we've just come out of, there were still those intricacies within it, weren't there? So that was really fascinating for you to see, in the way of, "Oh, it's just the money, it's just the money," and then it became so much more than the money, didn't it, which is really powerful.
[00:05:57] Rebecca Haydon: Do you remember what you believed back then? What were some of the common beliefs you were saying to yourself, or the thoughts you were having?
What Changed When Therese Started Working Intentionally
[00:06:08] Therese Stahl: Well, there was always this sense of urgency. I have to do everything, I have to do it now. That was one of the reasons I was in constant overwhelm. I remember the first time I heard you speak about working intentionally, and it was just like, poof, my mind was blown, because I had not thought of that before. I was stuck in, "I have to do everything and I have to do it now." There was a very constant stress, which led me into bursts of energy and then long periods of depletion.
[00:06:46] Therese Stahl: I had no energy, no creativity, none of those good, juicy bits that you want to run a business with.
[00:06:53] Rebecca Haydon: Yeah, 100%. And that nicely brings us to what we've been working on recently, the juicy bits of the business. That disconnect you almost felt with the fun and the joy and the creativity, and the way you wanted it to be, that was very much part of the container we've just been in.
How a Successful Business Buried Her Spark
[00:07:19] Rebecca Haydon: I remember when we first started working together this time, we had a conversation around you feeling like you'd lost your spark, and kind of lost yourself, parts of yourself. What did that feel like for you day to day in the business?
[00:07:38] Therese Stahl: Oh, that was a really heavy feeling. I love being a therapist, but I was so fed up with marketing my business, with creating the content. I had learned so much about strategy and how to strategise, and this is really interesting to me, because I've never seen myself as a perfectionist, but I was so stuck in, "I have to do it right, I have to do it correctly, it has to be bang for the buck."
[00:08:11] Therese Stahl: If I put something up on Instagram, it has to go viral. Maybe not the exact expectation, but along those lines. I was so attached to the outcome of things. And the thing you said, that I'd lost parts of myself. I'm usually quite a fun me, if I may say so myself.
[00:08:36] Rebecca Haydon: She is.
[00:08:37] Therese Stahl: I can confirm. Thank you. Fun and fun-loving and easygoing, and it was like that part was just gone. I was like, where is this part? Because I was so focused on getting things right, it took away all the fun of everything, and I couldn't find the fun. I couldn't find it.
[00:08:58] Therese Stahl: So it was heavy, and it was quite sad, to be honest. And that thing about not recognising yourself, I felt very lost.
[00:09:06] Rebecca Haydon: Yeah, and there were a lot of avenues in your life where it was showing up as well as the business. You were like, "Who am I nowadays? Who is me?" That bigger question I think we all get to the point of asking when we've had a successful business and when we have success, which you definitely have. We almost lose that childlike way of being that we had right at the beginning, and I know so many of my clients go through this, where you just get into the day to day, churning out the content, and then it's been a couple of years and here we are still doing the same thing.
[00:09:46] Rebecca Haydon: There are so many people going through that, losing the spark and losing the joy and losing the fun in business, and that's why I was so excited to speak about this part of what we did together, because I know it's going to resonate with so many people. At the beginning it's all fun, it's all, "Oh, what am I learning next?" We're just like a big sponge, and then you're like, "Wait, the sponge is full. I can't physically add anything more."
Who Is Sparky Sparks?
[00:10:22] Rebecca Haydon: Which brings me nicely onto Sparky Sparks. Oh, Miss Sparky Sparks. This was one of our very first sessions, and I feel like we have to introduce everyone to Sparky Sparks. Because she genuinely came on the journey with us, and she was a big part of how we reconnected you back to that joy and back to that fun. So tell everyone who Sparky Sparks is.
[00:10:42] Therese Stahl: Well, Sparky Sparks is this little glowing, I don't know, entity. Is that a word? It's this little glowing entity that represents all of my creativity, fun, curiosity, courage and lust, all the good things. We had kind of lost contact, Sparky Sparks and I, but she did show up during one of our exercises, right on my shoulder. She was whispering in my ear, and she said: "You're supposed to follow me. You know you're supposed to follow me."
[00:11:13] Therese Stahl: It took a while before we could truly reconnect, but once we did, it feels impossible not to be connected to Sparky Sparks. I have conversations daily with Sparky Sparks right now. "Sparky, are you here? Are we working together today?"
[00:11:36] Therese Stahl: And if Sparky is not around, maybe we're not doing the creativity thing today. Maybe we're doing something else, or maybe I need to get in the right mood to connect with Sparky, because Sparky needs to lead the way.
[00:11:49] Rebecca Haydon: Yeah, we love Sparky Sparks. From a listener's point of view, there are so many times where we have parts of ourselves that come in, and they come in quite strong, and we start to believe them. We're like, "No, this is how it is." There are parts that can hold us back purely because they're protecting us from what we've been through, and the protection they want to give at that time.
[00:12:12] Rebecca Haydon: But Sparky Sparks really was a part of you that we were reconnecting to, especially through the fun and the creativity and everything you wanted to bring into the business. I know it was a bigger question than just finding your creativity. It was about finding who you wanted to be in your marketing, in your business. A much bigger question came out of that. But I really felt that helped you find the fun again. I know we had a conversation, which I did ask about prior to this interview, whether we're okay to speak about it.
[00:12:52] Therese Stahl: Yes.
[00:12:53] Rebecca Haydon: Once we'd tapped into Sparky Sparks, you started to bring parts of yourself back online. Can you tell people about that? Do you mind sharing?
Fun in Business Is a Must-Have, Not a Nice to Have
[00:13:00] Therese Stahl: Yeah, because Sparky Sparks was like, "You're allowed to have fun." And that's the thing, the spark had not just gone away in my business, it had gone away in my life. I found it hard to connect to fun at all.
[00:13:15] Therese Stahl: And then there was this time with my husband. We were joking around, and he said something, and I didn't quite hear what he said. And he was like, "No, if you're not listening, I'm not going to tell you." And I was like, "Oh, please, please tell me, tell me." And he's like, "No, I'm not going to tell you." So I flashed my boobs and said, "Please tell me." And we both laughed, and he told me whatever it was, and it was just this fun moment. And that's it, here I am, I'm here again. That fun-loving, weird, crazy part of me just popped up again.
[00:13:48] Therese Stahl: Sparky made it happen. This is what happens when Sparky leads. We get to have fun. And this is the message Sparky Sparks keeps telling me, "You're allowed to have fun, you're supposed to have fun." When you're having fun, it leads the way.
[00:14:09] Therese Stahl: Fun shouldn't be nice to have, it's a have to have. It's the thing you need to bring in order to keep going. This is a longevity sport. Having fun in business is what you need to be able to be in it for the long run. And especially me, who's been a funny, happy-going person, I need that. I realise how much I missed it.
[00:14:34] Rebecca Haydon: Yeah, and the flashing of the boobs became the metaphor of the container, because I would say, "Right, go forth, write content and flash your boobs."
[00:14:43] Therese Stahl: Yeah.
[00:14:44] Rebecca Haydon: Not in that way. And then you were very clear that I wouldn't actually be flashing my boobs on Instagram.
[00:14:49] Rebecca Haydon: I was very clear about the metaphor.
[00:14:52] Therese Stahl: Just the proverbial boobs.
[00:14:53] Rebecca Haydon: Yeah. But it opened this whole avenue in your business, and we did a lot of exploration into the offers you already had, the containers you already had, and how to create more space to have creativity within them as well. That "you're allowed to have fun, you're supposed to have fun." What made that become the reminder for you? What did that reminder do for you in your business once we got to that point?
How Caring Less About the Outcome Made Therese Braver
[00:15:23] Therese Stahl: It made me less scared. I was so focused on doing the right thing, saying the right stuff, filming it at the right angle. And then it was just like, fuck it. Put the camera on, shoot the thing, say the stuff, be weird, be crazy, do the crazy dance, say the contrary view. It made me want to experiment again.
[00:15:47] Therese Stahl: Like the first thing I had when I started out on Instagram, when I had 25 followers, I would just think, "It doesn't matter because no one's going to see it." And now I have 25,000 followers, and it became, "Oh, everyone's going to see it." But it made me less scared to experiment. So I'm back, I'm just going to try things. I'm just going to try stuff. I'm not so attached to the outcome as I am to the process of doing things. Was it fun? Did I enjoy it? Did I feel like I contributed? Of course, I still look at my likes and my comments.
[00:16:31] Rebecca Haydon: Yeah, which is a good part of business.
[00:16:34] Therese Stahl: Yeah, it's just not the thing. It's like, oh, this post went off and this one did not, and it's just a shoulder shrug. Okay, so I'll make something else tomorrow. It's not going to stop me. So it made me less scared, more brave, and happier.
[00:16:54] Rebecca Haydon: Yeah. I love that so much, because social media is changing, ever evolving. It's something we do have to do as business owners, and marketing is a massive part of the business. The state you were just explaining, how you're creating now versus how you were creating before, in the way of, "It has to be this, and I need to do that," all of those have to, need to, should do, must do, those jail-type words that were really cramping the creativity and not letting old Sparky Sparks come out at all.
[00:17:31] Rebecca Haydon: It was not enjoyable for you. There was no return anyway, and the way you were doing it wasn't you coming out either. So now, from the shift and the energy behind that, and the way you've been doing it, that's just so beautiful to see. I obviously can't understand any of your content, but I can feel the energy of your content, and it's very different.
The Social Media Comparison Trap
[00:17:56] Rebecca Haydon: There was a session we had where we went through a great unfollow, and many people will resonate with this in the way of comparison on social media, looking at what we need, what we should be doing. Again, all these shoulds. When did you realise you'd become so busy looking at everyone else and what they were doing that you stopped listening to yourself?
[00:18:22] Therese Stahl: I think it was quite late in this container, actually. But I realised that my feed wasn't feeding me, it was depleting me. I'd started following all these business coaches who give great advice, but one says, "Do this," and the other one says, "Do the exact opposite." And I was also following a lot of therapists, thinking, "What are they doing?" That blocked me in a way.
[00:18:47] Therese Stahl: It made me more stressed, gave me the feeling that I was doing things wrong, that I wasn't doing the right thing I was so anxious and eager to do. So I just felt I needed to unfollow a bunch of people. Some of these people I know personally, so it was quite hard. But I thought, "I just need to do this for my mental health." And within days of doing the great unfollow, I just felt lighter. I felt more at ease. I wasn't flooded with all this information about what I should and shouldn't do, or the social media comparison. I got to connect back to myself again, and I didn't have to worry about getting it right or getting it wrong.
[00:19:36] Therese Stahl: So it was this huge relief. I don't normally give out life hacks as a therapist, but if there's one life hack, it's to unfollow things.
[00:19:45] Rebecca Haydon: Yes, 100%. And that really helped in the connection back to you as well, didn't it, in that moment when we'd done all that work.
Rewriting the Money Beliefs That Were Never Hers to Begin With
[00:19:56] Rebecca Haydon: We also did a little more work on your money mindset and allowing it to flow to you, what that felt like. I know we really changed how you viewed money, how you showed up to money, and the relationship you have with money. Can you talk a little about that?
[00:20:13] Therese Stahl: Yeah. It made me realise that a lot of these money beliefs weren't mine to begin with. They were handed down from generations of people, so I've been able to give them back. And I know you said in one session that you trained yourself to say, "Money always finds me." So now, whenever I see a deposit in my account, or whenever I see someone make a purchase, I'm like, "Hmm, there you go. Money always finds me."
[00:20:40] Therese Stahl: It still feels quite new to not be as stressed. It's vacation time in Sweden, so no one buys anything right now. But when I see my account, I'm like, "Hmm, so it's that number." I don't attach a meaning to that number as much. I'm more looking forward and planning ahead. I'm planning a launch in September, and I'm like, "Money always finds me. It'll sort itself out." That's just a number. It doesn't mean anything. Those are just some numbers on the screen, and I don't feel the anxiety I used to feel about it. Reshaping those old money beliefs took a lot of the weight off.
[00:21:27] Rebecca Haydon: Amazing. Which I know was.
[00:21:30] Therese Stahl: Huge.
[00:21:31] Rebecca Haydon: Literally part and parcel of your everyday waking hour.
[00:21:34] Therese Stahl: Very much so.
[00:21:35] Rebecca Haydon: So that is incredible to hear.
Why Parts Work Is So Hard Without an Outside Perspective
[00:21:38] Rebecca Haydon: How did it feel being in the container, having someone listening to you and reflecting back what you couldn't give to yourself in that moment that you needed?
[00:21:52] Therese Stahl: That's the thing, and I say this to my clients too. I also work with parts work, the parts that you do, and the thing about the parts is that they're very sneaky. They hide from us and make us think they're our personality. I was too close to it. I was in my own way. I couldn't see that I was in a part. I believed that was who I was. So to have someone point that out, well, I thought you were a pain in the butt sometimes. You're like, "No."
[00:22:22] Rebecca Haydon: I love that.
[00:22:23] Therese Stahl: But then afterwards I'm like, "Of course this was a part. Of course. How could I not see that?" And that reminds me how hard it is to do this kind of parts work for yourself.
[00:22:35] Rebecca Haydon: Yeah, as a client.
[00:22:36] Therese Stahl: Yeah, because you really need someone else to point out the patterns you're blind to. So that was very helpful, even though you were a pain in the butt sometimes.
[00:22:47] Rebecca Haydon: No, I know. And every client listening to this will be like, "Yes, Becky has pissed me off quite a few times in this container. It was like, no, this is not a part."
[00:22:55] Therese Stahl: "You are wrong." And then I was like, "She's right. She's right."
[00:22:59] Rebecca Haydon: You're onto me. It's when the parts know that they know that I know. They get this kind of thing. And we know where we're going.
The Ripple Effect That Never Really Stopped
[00:23:05] Therese Stahl: What surprised you most about our work together? Well, even from This Is Who I Am Now and the first container we did, which was in August and September of last year, I remember December, January, something happened in my business and I was like, "Wow, this would not have happened if I hadn't talked back. I would not be here." So it was the gift that kept on giving.
[00:23:32] Therese Stahl: The work we did is not only isolated to our conversations. It keeps happening. It keeps happening, it keeps challenging me. Even though I'm out of the container now, I still feel things are happening. It sets you on a tangent, it sets you on a road. Our meeting is like the fork in the road, and then I find a new path, and I propel along it. So that surprised me, that it keeps happening even though we're not talking like that anymore.
[00:24:12] Rebecca Haydon: The gift that keeps on giving. I like that.
[00:24:14] Therese Stahl: The gift that keeps on giving. So yeah, that's Bec. Just tie her up in a bow.
Therese’s Advice For Anyone Considering Working With Me
[00:24:20] Rebecca Haydon: I love that. If someone feels they've lost themselves inside their business, or they're waiting to feel inspired again, the way that you felt before you came into this container, what would you want them to know?
[00:24:39] Therese Stahl: Get out of your own way, and even if that means you need someone to help you get out of your own way. Because the only thing blocking you is you, to be honest. That's the only thing, and it's hard to see because you're too close to it. So if you feel stuck, you probably need someone else's perspective.
[00:24:59] Rebecca Haydon: And that is so powerful. I even need someone else's perspective. Even coaches who coach coaches of coaches of coaches need someone else's perspective, don't they? And finally, to wrap us up, if someone is thinking, "Hmm, I think Rebecca might be the person I need," what would you say to them?
[00:25:18] Therese Stahl: Well, it would be silly not to listen to that voice. It would be the gift that keeps on giving. You will be propelled onto a path that you may have gotten to anyway, but it would have taken a lot more time and energy and anxiety and overwhelm. So it would just be silly not to.
What Day to Day Looks Like Now That Sparky Sparks Leads
[00:25:42] Rebecca Haydon: Yes, I love that. What does day to day look like now?
[00:25:45] Therese Stahl: Well, I work intentionally, my big aha moment. Sometimes when I'm stressed I do go into multitasking, and then I catch myself, and it's like, "No, go back. Do one thing at a time. Do that with intention." There's a lot less money stress. There's a lot more trust in my abilities. I'm more self-led from within, not from what other people are doing. I will go to me first. And Sparky Sparks leads the way. Sparky Sparks needs to go first. Strategy can come, but it can't lead, because I need to have fun.
[00:26:35] Therese Stahl: I need to have fun. I'm supposed to have fun. Sparky says that, so that's what it is.
[00:26:40] Rebecca Haydon: And that's true. And I believe everyone else should be nodding their head now.
[00:26:46] Therese Stahl: Yes. If you're not having fun, you're not going to last.
[00:26:50] Rebecca Haydon: No. And what's the point? What's the point of bringing your business to the world? One of the biggest things we talked about was how everything other than the coaching, the things you do with your clients, being there with them, that's still your love. But making these other parts of your business speak to that love is the way forward sustainably, isn't it? That's really where the fun in business comes back.
[00:27:15] Therese Stahl: Yeah, exactly. I get to bring that part, the part who loves helping and enabling people, into my marketing as well.
[00:27:23] Rebecca Haydon: Yes, 100%.
[00:27:24] Therese Stahl: It's not a chore. It's not a necessary evil. It's something I can enjoy doing if I do it from within.
[00:27:34] Rebecca Haydon: Yeah. Lovely ending. I love that. Thank you so much for letting me put a magnifying glass to our time together, and thank you so much for coming on the podcast. I have loved chatting with you.
[00:27:46] Therese Stahl: So have I.
[00:27:46] Rebecca Haydon: Bye.
[00:27:47] Therese Stahl: Bye.
[00:27:48] Rebecca Haydon: If you're loving these conversations, make sure you are subscribed to The Subconscious Expert and come connect with me on Instagram at rebeccahaydon. I'll see you next time on The Subconscious Expert.
More about The Subconscious Expert:
Welcome to The Subconscious Expert, the podcast where your subconscious becomes your one-way ticket to the mind-blowing results you desire in your life and business! I’m your host, Rebecca Haydon, The Subconscious Expert who went from being stuck in victim mode to a multi 6 figure business owner. Each week, I will be giving you the subconscious tools and techniques so you can become the woman who is living out her vision with a life and business that she is truly OBSESSED with. I have said it before, and I will say it 100 times again: "Your business can't outgrow your mindset, and if you want to grow your business, it always starts with growing your subconscious." So let's dive into the subconscious breakthrough you so deeply deserve!